Does It Matter?

As I look around I can’t help but wonder if relationships and their worth are doomed. Do relationships really matter anymore? We say they do, but I don’t believe that’s true. At least for a lot of people. We seem to be busy doing things, but do the things we do really matter?

When i was experiencing a very difficult season in my life about 4 years ago, the help and encouragement I got did not come from the organized church I was a part of but a few relationships I had maintained over the last 20 years or so. I am so grateful that I had stayed connected to those people. Real relationships are truly the fabric that binds us to one another. Without meaningful relationships, life isn’t living and if you aren’t living you’re dying.

Maintaining and enhancing the quality of our relationships is the most important thing ever. In these times of financial up evil, our relationships should be a place where we should have solace. Banks folding, the stock market on what seems to be a never-ending yo-yo and skyrocketing unemployment, relationships seem to be one of the last bastions of individual freedom and control.

I know this sounds a bit “gloomy” and “dark” but too much attention is focused on items, situations and people that really don’t matter. Our attention has been diverted. We have been “flim-flamed” into believing that possessions of “stuff” will bring us what it is that we seek. I too engage in the “buying” of stuff. We all do but in the end it’s the interpersonal relationships in our lives that bring us fulfilment.

I’d encourage you today to look at your relationships. Without having the gumption and insight to affect change within your personal relationships, you will be a “relationship drifter”. You will continue to bounce from person to person never reaching a sense of emotional satiation or comfort. You are doomed to repeat the same patterns that have driven wedges between you and those that you wanted to love but didn’t know how to connect with.

Let’s face it, when it’s all said and done, nothing will matter more than the value and depth of the relationships that you created. Do relationships really matter? They should to all of us!

What changes should you make in your life order to build healthier relationships?

The Power Of Helping

Helping - it benefits more than the person you are serving.

All of us have a different purpose in life - but one common purpose is to help others.

I’d love to hear from you especially if you have some creative ways to help others.

Dealing With Flawed People

The truth is we get hurt by others because the world is full of flawed human beings. Those flawed people are in our marriage, our family, our work place, and yes, even our church! Shocking, isn't it?

On the flip side, we are also in that same category of flawed, imperfect people, we have and will at times hurt others too. No one is perfect, all of us screw up, all of us have gone down a wrong path, made wrong choices, and, as a result, we live with guilt. At times we’ve disappointed ourselves, and we know we’ve disappointed God.

So how do we deal with all this hurt, disappointment and guilt? The way to deal with guilt is to recognize the forgiveness that God gives us. We can recognize our own mistakes and know that he is faithful to forgive us.

Jesus said: “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matthew 6:12 NIV).

Notice there are two sides to this, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors”
We need to deal with the fact that other people have hurt us, which can leave us with feelings of resentment. God’s answer to that is to replace it with his peace – and that comes from forgiving others, just as God forgave us.

We never want to be get hurt, but in those moments we can choose to forgive others. We can realize if we hold onto resentment, it will eat away at our lives like an acid.

So the next time someone wrongs you, ask for God’s peace and offer forgiveness to the person who hurt you. I’m not saying it will be easy, in fact, C.S. Lewis said “Forgiveness is a beautiful word until you have something to forgive”.

It’s not always the easiest thing to do but it’s the right thing to do. The positive results will follow in all your relationships.

Is there someone you need to forgive, or is there someone you may have wronged?

Hey, I'm Talking To You!

Okay, i’ll admit it, i’m guilty of this. One of the most common causes of frustration and friction in relationships is that we don't really listen to each other. Too often we talk at each other rather than with each other.    :(

Fortunately, listening is a skill that can be developed. 
So there is hope, even for moi. :)



The benefits of learning how to listen are enormous: fewer mistakes, better negotiating, greater wisdom, more friends, less arguments, and much more.

Three things hinder my hearing:

Presumption: when I think we already know it all.

Impatience: when I interrupt and jump to conclusions.

Pride: when I’m defensive and unteachable. You can learn from anyone if you know the right questions to ask.

Three hearing aids:

* Listen with my eyes. Probably 80% of communication is non-verbal. Facial expressions and body language usually tell the real story. Look at people when you listen to them!

* Listen with my heart. Be sympathetic. Tune in to the emotions behind the words.

* Make time to listen to the people around me. In the business world, Tom Peters calls this "Managing By Walking Around," or MBWA.

Imagine how your relationships could be transformed if you focused on carefully listening to those around you.

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19 NIV).

Can You Unlock Fulfillment?

We've all heard people say, "I took a job I hate in order to make a lot of money, so someday I can quit and do what I love to do." That's a big mistake. Trust me on that, I have tried it. Don't waste your life in a job that doesn't express your heart. You won't be fulfilled. The same is true when volunteering or serving for your church or charity. You need to do it with passion!

So....How do you know when you're serving with passion?

The first telltale sign is enthusiasm. When you're doing what you love to do, no one has to motivate you, or challenge you, or check up on you. You do it for the sheer enjoyment. You don't need rewards, or applause, or to be paid, because you love serving in this way. You will begin to unlock fulfillment for your life and others.

The opposite is also true: When you don't have a heart for what you're doing, you're easily discouraged.

One characteristic of serving from your heart is effectiveness: whenever you do what God wired you to love to do, you get good at it. Passion drives perfection. If you don't care about a task, it is unlikely that you'll excel at it. On the other hand, the highest achievers in any field are those who do it because of passion, not duty or profit.

Remember, the greatest things in life are not things. Meaning is far more important than money.

This weekend at AliveChurch.com, Jeff will be speaking about this in a message called Unlock Fulfillment.  Check it out live online here.

There was this religious leader and a sinful woman, who had an encounter with Jesus at a party. Although they were very different people, they had at least one thing in common. Both of them were untouchables.

The woman was not to be touched by religious people because of the nature and extent of her sin. The religious leader, a Pharisee, made himself untouchable because he refused to allow himself to be touched by the brokenness of other people.

 

 Only one of them was transformed through their encounter with Jesus. Here’s part of the story:

“When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.” Luke 7:37-38 (NIV)

The Pharisee saw this and looked down on Jesus and the whole event. We know the Pharisees were the difficult guys in Jesus’ life. Many were power mongers of the religious order in Jesus’ day. They told everybody how to live, but they were notorious for their own hypocrisy. They didn’t like Jesus, yet one of them invited Jesus to his house.

 

We don’t know much about the woman in this story except that we’re told she lived a immoral life. The Bible never specifies what her sin is, which illustrates the beauty of God’s love for us in my opinion.

Jesus went on to give the Pharisee and the others at the party a fascinating illustration. You can read the rest of that yourself but let me highlight this. Jesus now turns all eyes on the woman as he teaches Simon, the religious leader. (Luke 7:44-48). See the contrast (Luke 7:44-46):

Speaking to the Pharisee who disrespected him, he says:
You gave me no water - She gave me tears.
You gave me no kiss -- She gives me tender affection.
You gave me no oil - She gives me intimate honor.

Notice the difference between the religious leader and the immoral woman: The woman used her opportunity to seek Jesus. Foolishly, the religious man was missing his opportunity to connect with Jesus. Jesus was receiving honor from this woman while the man looked on in disgust, doubt and disdain.

In his rejection of Jesus, and the woman, he refused the relationship with Jesus, but this woman, considered so bad, fully enjoyed and benefited. Jesus went on a little later and told everyone her sins had been forgiven! The woman was no longer, untouchable. The religious man made himself untouchable by refusing to open his mind and heart.

Maybe at times you feel untouchable. I know I do sometimes. When we come to the God of love and receive his acceptance he’s not afraid to touch us with his unconditional love. We are no longer untouchable.

If you are struggling with some kind of guilt or condemnation for something that happened in your past, I can tell you the condemnation is not from above. God is not going to keep reminding you and rubbing your nose in the mistakes of your past.

I’ve made a lot of stupid mistakes in my past but I’m glad everyday is a fresh start!
How about you?

 

 

 

 

 

Progressive Peacemakers

I believe this life is all about learning how to love. We need to value relationships and make every effort to maintain them instead of discarding them whenever there is a rift, a hurt or a conflict. I recently found myself having to make a lot of effort to restore a relationship but I am very glad I took the time to do so.

For this reason a significant amount of the scriptures are devoted to teaching us how to get along with one another. I believe our ability to get along with others is a mark of spiritual maturity. God wants his family to be known for our love for each other.

Here’s my not so humble opinion: If you really want blessings and peace in your life and you want to be known as a child of God, you must learn to be a peacemaker. Jesus said, "God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God"

Notice Jesus didn't say, "Blessed are the peace lovers," because everyone loves peace. Neither did he say, "Blessed are the peaceable," who are never disturbed by anything. Jesus said, "Blessed are those who work for peace"--those who actively seek to resolve conflict. (Phil’s interpretation)

Peacemakers are rare because peacemaking is hard work, but because you and I were formed to be a part of God's family, peacemaking is one of the most important skills you can develop.

Unfortunately, most of us were never taught how to resolve conflict, so we try to avoid it but remember....relationships are always worth restoring!

“... if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you . . . agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends” (Philippians 2:1-2 Msg).

Is there a relationship in your life that needs to be restored? What are your thoughts about this subject? 

Please Hear Me

I have a hearing problem. Actually physically my ears are okay, although I think they’re too big. (But more about my self esteem issues later). 

The truth is my hearing problem is because of my bad habits.

One of the most common causes of frustration and friction in relationships is that we don't really listen to each other. Too often we talk at each other rather than with each other. I’ll admit it, as a guy that talks for a living, sometimes I just need to shut up and listen. I constantly frustrate my 12 year old by interrupting him because i’m so sure I know what he’s going to say next! (Especially when I'm correcting him)!

Fortunately, listening is a skill that can be developed. The benefits of learning how to listen are enormous: fewer mistakes, better negotiating, greater wisdom, more friends, less arguments, and much more.

But why do I have this hearing problem? Three things hinder my hearing:

Presumption: when I think I already know it all. "He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame"

Impatience: when I interrupt and jump to conclusions. "There is more hope for a fool than for someone who speaks without thinking"

Pride: when I’m defensive and unteachable. You and I can learn from anyone if you know the right questions to ask, even from a 12 year old.

Here’s what I’m trying to do about this.

Listen with my eyes. Probably 80% of communication is non-verbal. Facial expressions and body language usually tell the real story. Look at people when you listen to them!

Listen with my heart. Be sympathetic. Tune in to the emotions behind the words. Sometimes I struggle with that.

Make time to listen to the people around me.  In the business world, Tom Peters calls this "Managing By Walking Around," or MBWA. Imagine how your relationships could be transformed if you focused on carefully listening to those around you.

Take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19 NIV).

So what about you, do you have a hearing problem? Do you have any additional suggestions? 

The Gift... 

I think I have the gift, do you? Are you critical of everyone, and everything? Do you only see "problems" or "issues"? Do you only see what is "wrong" Is 90% of something great, but you just can't keep thinking about the 10% you don't like? Do you typically point out things that "need to be fixed" rather than seeing the things that are going well?

Did you answer yes to many of these questions?
Congrats, then you may have the spiritual gift of criticism!

Obviously I’m being facetious, but I do find myself struggling with this problem at times. How about you?

Here is my thought on this issue; we should be encouragers not criticisers! A critical heart is when negativity takes over your life and all you see are problems, issues, things that need to be improved, things that are wrong, etc.

A reality we must all understand is, nothing in life is perfect, or ever will be perfect! So focus on what you do like and get busy making the world around you better and stop being so critical of those around you. Critical people drain the life out of others around them! No one likes being around them!

I am not talking about people who are trying to help you improve things. There is a big difference between constructive criticism and someone having a critical heart. What’s the difference? If the person compliments and encourages as much if not more than they criticize, then they are just trying to help. If they primarily only criticize, then they suffer from a critical heart. The overly critical person usually lacks self confidence and is emotionally wounded. 

Be a support to people around you! Encourage them, praise them, believe the best about them, help them, love them and stop being so damn critical. You are only beating them down and destroying their self-esteem.

Jesus was gracious, All spoke well of him and were amazed at the gracious words that came from his lips.

I don’t want the spiritual gift of criticism operating in my life, how about you?

Bitter!

A couple of years ago my life seemed to go in the crapper! Things did not go as planned. I got very frustrated with church leaders, some friends, my family, and even myself!

• When life doesn't go the way you planned it, do you grow Bitter or Better?
• Are you Bitter or Better as a result of going through that loss?
• Are you Bitter or Better now that she/he left you?
• Are you Bitter or Better as a result of the suffering you have endured?
• Are you Bitter or Better at your father for abandoning you?
• Are you Bitter or Better as a result of what your uncle did to you?
• Are you Bitter or Better as a result of how your mother treated you?
• Are you Bitter or Better as a result of how that pastor treated you?

How have you responded to life's issues; have you grown Bitter or Better?


To be real, I have grown bitter far too many times when life hasn't gone as planned. I have allowed the pain, the hurt, the disappointment to drive a thorn into my flesh more than I care to admit.  It's usually very subtle and can be hidden pretty easily, especially if you are good at covering it up.

So, what about you ... have you allowed your heart to become Bitter at times rather than Better?

So....?

I believe the cure starts with being honest with yourself, others and God.  Admit, "I'm bitter, help me not to be!" 


Then I believe that a change of mind is necessary.
Then ultimately it's DOING what you would do if you weren't Bitter ... whatever that would be in a given situation.
(i.e. You send a letter or make a phone call to the relative that hurt you and say, "I forgive you!" Or if that isn't possible, then just right a letter and drop it in the mailbox addressed to that person with no address on it.)
Make a choice to move on even if you don’t feel like it.

Taking this step isn't saying to that person, "what you did was okay," or "let's be best buddies now," or "everything is fine now." But what it does do is release YOU from the bitterness that is killing you.

Most of the time growing bitter has nothing to do with the other person at all ... it's about you and it is something that you need to deal with.

I encourage you to get BETTER not BITTER when life throws you a curve ball, and life always will.

Dealing with the Walking Wounded

Recently i have experienced a lot of emotional pain, disappointment and rejection. It has been been very difficult but i can now say i am thankful for the experience. I've been in the people business for a long time and i've always tried to help hurting people. Now i believe i am in a much better position to be able to serve those who are experiencing pain and rejection. Here are a few things that you might apply if you find yourself dealing with a wounded friend.

1. Let them vent. Listen to their frustrations before you speak or act. Never interrupt, because until you hear their story, you know nothing. Find out as much as you can about the source of their pain and you'll know why they're angry. 


2. Assess your level of responsibility in causing their pain. If you are directly involved, take responsibility and make things right. However, often you will find that you are not the target or cause of the pain. If you were just in the right place at the right time, don't take it personally. 


3. Adopt an attitude of forgiveness. Try to understand that when people are hurt, they don't always think clearly and they say things that they don't really mean. It's easy to be consumed with reciprocal anger, so avoid the urge by forgiving them. 


4. Be mindful of how you respond to them. The goal is to make things better, not worse. Sometimes they just want someone to acknowledge their pain. You can do so by saying something like, "I don't know just what to do to help you right now, but I want you to know how sorry I am about this." 


5. Take control of your own feelings. Don't give up your power to them by allowing their words to control the way you respond. Their pain, even when directed at you, does not define you. 


Hurting people can only hurt others if allowed to do so. When dealing with adults, know that you can judge the size of a person by the size of the things that they allow to make them angry. Yes, we've all had initial feelings of hurt as the result of others' actions and words. But when we take a moment to really look at the situation, all of us have the power to draw the line and refuse to accept another's hurt. 


Remember that people say and do boneheaded things from time to time without thinking. I am chief among those folks. People forget, lose their tempers, underachieve by our standards, break promises, cheat, lie and do other things that disappoint us. Make allowances for people's differences. Human beings make errors. Values amongst us are varied. If you keep your standards very high, you are subject to be more sensitive around people with low standards. If you have low standards, you will feel offended and slighted by those who have high standards. That said, the bottom line is this: when someone is hurting someone else, they are acting from a place of pain and hurt. Diminish the hurt to make room for enrichment. Instead of hurt people hurting people, you then have enriched people enriching people.

50,000 Shoes!

I'm not much on jumping on every "good cause" but i must say i am supporting this one! It's called 50,000 shoes in 50 days. Our friend Anne Jackson has some powerful information about this goal and i hope you will reach out and be a small but important part of this.

HOW DOES IT WORK?

Go to 50000shoes.com. a $5 donation buys two pairs of shoes.

Everyone has $5 (or more!). and everyone has 2 minutes. from start to finish, donating is literally three clicks. no fluff. No hassle, anyone can donate. it is so, so easy!

And it’s easy to spread the word. use the graphics on your blog. email everyone you know. join the facebook group and ask your friends to do the same!

YOU CAN WIN A TRIP TO GIVE SOMEONE THEIR FIRST PAIR OF SHOES!
Besides the fact that the blogging world can literally impact 50,000 people before the end of the year, one person (and their guest) will be chosen at random to hand deliver the shoes they purchased on a s4s trip to Mexico. can you imagine handing someone their very first pair of shoes? It could be a child or it could be a mother. or a father. or a grandmother, who knows?

Are We Missing The Mark?

I literally would have become a pastor if they told me I'd never be paid a single penny. In fact for a little while I didn't get paid! I was sold out. But adding a few years and waist sizes has helped me recognize now what I didn't then: 18 year old kids suffer from what author Warren Bennis calls "Delusional confidence."

We didn't envision the day when we would have a mortgage payment, a car with 320,000 miles on it, and one too many smiles around the dinner table that need braces. Thank God for delusional confidence or we would have bolted to the local university mid-semester of our freshman year.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but you'd be surprised how many pulpits would be empty if someone offered ministers a job similar or better in pay than their current assignment. Why is that?

The following statistics, are gathered from such organizations as Barna, Maranatha Life and Focus on the Family.

Pastors

• Fifteen hundred pastors leave the ministry each month due to moral failure, spiritual burnout, or contention in their churches.
• Fifty percent of pastors' marriages will end in divorce.
• Eighty percent of pastors and eighty-four percent of their spouses feel unqualified and discouraged in their role as pastors.
• Fifty percent of pastors are so discouraged that they would leave the ministry if they could, but have no other way of making a living.
• Eighty percent of seminary and Bible school graduates who enter the ministry will leave the ministry within the first five years.
• Seventy percent of pastors constantly fight depression.
• Almost forty percent polled said they have had an extra-marital affair since beginning their ministry.
• Seventy percent said the only time they spend studying the Word is when they are preparing their sermons.

Pastors' Wives

• Eighty percent of pastors' spouses feel their spouse is overworked.
• Eighty percent of pastors' spouses wish their spouse would choose another profession.
• The majority of pastors' wives surveyed said that the most destructive event that has occurred in their marriage and family was the day they entered the ministry.

Some might say these leaders have failed to nurture their souls sufficiently. We usually want to blame leaders for their own burn out, but when I see the pervasiveness of this problem I wonder if there isn’t also a systemic factor. Could contemporary church ministry itself be the problem?

When I peruse ministry books, websites, magazines, and attend conferences, I’m bombarded with one overwhelming message: great ministry results are the product of great ministry leadership. If a church is growing, if lives are changing, if budgets are burgeoning—it must be because the leader is doing something right. Conversely, if the church is shrinking, if lives are struggling, if budgets are busting—it must be because the leader is inept. As a result, a pastor’s success and self-worth is inexorably linked to his/her measurable performance. Stewing in this toxic brew is it any wonder why pastors’ souls are shriveling.

Something’s wrong.

Hamartia is one of the Greek words that has been translated as sin. It is literally "a missing of the mark," as in shooting a bow and arrow at a target. Are we missing the mark with some of the goals and missions of our local churches today?

What do you think?

Nobody is Perfect

From time to time i blog about the poor customer service we all seem to experience in this country and how we could do better. Well today let me change my story and write about a nice experience we actually had. My family and i went to lunch at Macaroni Grill yesterday. It was our first visit to this restaurant in N/W Tucson, although we had been to the Kansas City location a couple of times.

Things were going well, ---nice waiter, (Scot was his name), the bread was great, but it seemed to take a while to get our food. Finally our 9 year old's Fettuccine Alfredo came out, all by its self, ---than a couple of minutes later my Angel Hair Pasta with meat sauce on the side arrived ---but my wife's Eggplant Parmesan was missing in action! Our waiter explained the manager was going to visit us in a moment. Hmm...now what?

I'll admit that i was going into the cynicism mode, but in less than a moment Paula Buchanan, the General Manager, showed up and apologized for the delay. Apparently the order got screwed up in the kitchen and the new Eggplant Parmesan was coming soon and it was on the house as well! We also ended up with free dessert, Smothered Chocolate Cake! It's wasn't just the free dish that impressed me, (although that did not hurt), it was Paula's sincere concern and desire to make things right without having to be asked. She went the extra mile and that means we will be coming back to Macaroni Grill at 2265 West Ina Road soon.

Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes, that's why we need grace but all it takes to win back customers, (or at least keep from losing them), is showing some genuine empathy and demonstrating a desire to correct the problem. Be polite, be nice, and take responsibility for the goof-up.

How about you? Any good luck with your dinning out experience lately?

Take Me To Your Leader Or Supervisor

Take me to your leader or another way to say it for me lately has been, let me speak to your supervisor! Since our move back to Tucson i have had to utter that phrase more than once as we have tired to get cable, DSL, garbage pick-up and more things accomplished in our new home. Customer service sucks in our world today because leadership sucks!

I am intrigued by this thing called leadership. I often wonder why some do, and some don’t. Why some learn and others don’t. Leadership is ultimately influence. But I believe great leadership is influence to do good. Too many people in this culture are poor leaders; leaders who influence people for bad. When I was younger, even in my 20’s I had a desire to be famous. I guess I am not alone. Many people I have spoken too have wanted to be a “rock star” of sorts. This explains the popularity of American Idol show. But I have matured, okay maybe not; but now rather than being famous I want to be influential. I want to help people have a better life.

I believe that in each person’s core we want to be a force for good rather then evil. So that thought out; how can we grow our leadership muscle? Become more influential? Truly help people?

One way might be to get find and hang around some good leaders, people that might be a step or more ahead of you.

Develop some relationships and walk in accountability.

Ask God for help in whatever area you are in. Develop a habit of reading the Bible. It's a great book on leadership with many examples of from leaders, both good and bad!

Practice – Do leadership. Start small, and God will give you bigger stuff!

“The key to great influence is being great at whatever you are doing now” – Timmy Gibson

What are your thoughts on leadership?

Talk is Cheaper - Part 2

Last week we talked about how almost every problem in life can be traced back to a communication issue. The cost of ineffective communication is high. If we could just improve those skills life would be better. Below are some tips to help us communicate better.

1. Listen to me! – If you really want to communicate better, you have to listen too. Find out what other people are thinking; not only is that the polite thing to do but it also enables you to find out what people do not understand or what the resistances are to what you are saying.

2. Dial it Down - You should speak to others as you wish them to speak to you, without arrogance, hostility or sarcasm. Speak with authority, having thought out your words; you will be much more credible.

3. Face to Face – If you are experiencing some personality conflicts in your department or company, (or relationship),don’t try to work it out electronically. Email is great but not for solving those types of problems. The ability to read body language, facial expressions, intonation, etc. makes person-to-person communications work and work well. It can also change the tone of a relationship. Think about how a long e-mail or phone call relationship took on a new dynamic after you met someone in person for the first time. You may never meet that person again but the relationship will always be warmer, more comfortable…and, well, better.

Email can be a good thing but...

I’m certainly not suggesting we abandon e-mail and IM, which would be a big mistake because they can be valuable and extremely useful tools. But I do think that we can communicate better, and that stepping away from the keyboard is a good way to start. So rather than e-mail or IM someone, why not meet them for coffee/beer or, at least, give them a call?

What are your thoughts on how to improve communication?

Talk is Cheap, part 1

Talk is cheap, compared to no talk at all. Almost every problem in life can be traced back to a communication issue. "Didn't you get the memo?" "I told you we were out of milk!" "I really didn't mean it like that!" "Why didn't you tell me you felt like that?"

Talk is cheap compared to the price of poor communication. Good relationships don't just happen by accident, they happen on purpose and they grow because of effective communication. Think about this if you're married, when you first started dating you spent a lot of time together and you probably talked a lot. You enjoyed talking to your prospective mate.

The price of poor communications is high in many ways.

As in any relationship, communication is key to a strong business relationship. This can be the relationship between business and customer, or, equally as important, the internal relationships among different employees within the company. Communication can be improved in virtually every workplace, no matter the industry or size. After all, it is the only way for information to effectively spread throughout the business so that everybody can be informed to the degree that they required to properly achieve their goals. The same goes for ministry in churches. In fact the standard should be higher.

Marriages are ruined by poor communication. Rather than openly discuss sex, money, body problems or whatever, couples hint about their concerns or simply say nothing. But without support and understanding from your primary teammate, you do not go as far. In fact, a bad marriage can ruin everything in your life. Both parties in a successful marriage are able to give and receive communication from their spouse on any subject.

Friendships are based on communication. Life is miserable if you have no one to openly communicate with.The lack of friends or a spouse to communicate with often leads to mental problems.

So the first communication skill you need is to get out there and talk. In part two we will discuss the best ways and tools to use to improve our communication with each other.

What about you, do you struggle with communication in your life?