What's The Problem?

Years ago I was part of an organization that put a lot of guilt on people. One time in a meeting, one of the group’s main leaders was chastising us because our churches were not growing fast enough. He said, “Your problem is you just don't love God enough.”

When I heard that, I had had enough! I stood up and said, “That's not the problem. The problem is not that we don't love God enough. The problem is that we don't understand how much he loves all of us!”

Let this sink in: Your first duty in life is not to do anything but just be loved and accepted by God. 

When you embrace that truth, life becomes less of a burden. You may be under a lot of stress right now because of the economy, but God still wants you to enjoy life.

We can enjoy life because our conscience is clear. We can enjoy life because we are secure within love. You can have fun and laugh. You can enjoy people because you don’t have to work for their acceptance. You can be yourself and allow your unique gifts and talents to come out!

So….has your life become more about rules, regulations, and rituals than about love?

Photo from darthqueso.tumblr.com

Ditching the Guilt

Sometimes I ask people, “How do you view God?” There is usually a pause, an uncomfortable look of consideration, and then an answer that seems to be very common: “Someone who is disappointed with me—even angry at me.” It’s sad, but that description makes sense when you consider how many people feel guilty because they're trying to please an angry God.

Jesus strongly criticized those who piled on the guilt.

In fact, he had strong words for those who established and enforced guilt-inducing rules and regulations. He called them some very unflattering names: Vipers. Snakes. Hypocrites. Blind guides. Whitewashed tombs. 

Yikes! Imagining Jesus using those words evokes an image very different from that of the smiling Jesus carrying a lamb on his shoulders. But that’s exactly what he called the Pharisees and teachers of the law who made it so hard for people to come to God.

Unfortunately many churches use guilt to manipulate people into giving and serving. Get the right Bible, pray one hour every morning, do your QT with the latest church resource, fast twice a week, throw away your CDs, talk to three people a week about Jesus, homeschool your children, and vote Republican. It says it in Mark 38 somewhere, right? It also says, “Thou shalt jump through hoops for Me or burn in Hell.” (Sorry, i am being sarcastic). Do it or you will feel guilty.

There’s nothing wrong with praying, fasting, sharing your faith, or homeschooling. What this comes down to is the danger of a guilt - driven church life that is only religion.  Real life isn't how much we can do, but who we get to be. If I held a gun to your head and told you to read the Bible, you can act the part but it probably won’t do anything. The tools of fear, shame, and blame will only create restrained slaves. We are freed by God  from the shackle of guilt; so too we are free from false reputations of righteousness.

God loves and accepts you unconditionally. Period. Ditch the guilt.

Don't Condemn Culture

I decided over thirty years ago I wanted to have a ministry like Jesus. Which means, I don’t spend any of my time condemning culture.  Why?  Because Jesus didn’t.  He said “I didn’t come to condemn the world; I came to save it.”

Many Christians spend a lot of their time condemning the world, saying how badly society sucks, then looking for a political solution to figure out how to get rid of the suckiness.  Neither of those work.  Spending all your time condemning society won’t change it, and looking for a political answer to solve the problem of society won’t change it either.  

God so loved the world he didn’t send a politician.  Why?  Because you can’t change people’s hearts by laws.  No law will turn a bigot into somebody who will love all the races.  Only God can get rid of racism in the heart.  Only God can get rid of selfishness in the heart.  No law is going to turn people who are selfish into unselfish people.  Jesus said, “I didn’t come to condemn the world.  I came to save it.”  So no matter what I’ve done, God wants me.  
 
Remember the story of the prodigal son, the kid who tells his father, “dad give me my half of the inheritance” and he splits and goes to sunset strip in Jerusalem and spends all his money on wine, women, and song – mostly women?  He ends up feeding pigs in a pigsty.  He finally realizes this doesn’t work so he goes home to his dad with a humble attitude, smelling of the pigsty.  The father runs out to greet his younger son.  He grabs him in a big bear hug, My son has come home!  Let’s have a party.  

He doesn’t say to his son, “Son, go and get a bath.  Get shaved.  Put on some clean clothes.  Get rid of that stinking pig smell and then I’ll give you a bear hug.”  No, he says I love you just the way you are.

God loves and accepts you just the way you are.  

I Just Wanted To Die

About four years ago I was really stressed out and felt like I wanted to just die! Yesterday I read former NFL star Junior Seau was found shot to death at his home Wednesday morning in what police said appeared to be a suicide. He was only 43.

Have you ever felt like you wanted to die? Are you thinking about suicide right now?

When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

Five things to think about.

First: You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.

Second: Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, "I will wait 24 hours before I do anything." Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn't mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it's just 24 hours. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it.

Third: People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

Fourth: Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what's going on with you. It is okay to ask for help.

Fifth: Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.

Resources For Help:
Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255
Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine  1-800-999-9999
Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line.
Call a psychotherapist.
Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen.
Send an anonymous email to this blog.

Don't give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.

Dealing With Flawed People

The truth is we get hurt by others because the world is full of flawed human beings. Those flawed people are in our marriage, our family, our work place, and yes, even our church! Shocking, isn't it?

On the flip side, we are also in that same category of flawed, imperfect people, we have and will at times hurt others too. No one is perfect, all of us screw up, all of us have gone down a wrong path, made wrong choices, and, as a result, we live with guilt. At times we’ve disappointed ourselves, and we know we’ve disappointed God.

So how do we deal with all this hurt, disappointment and guilt? The way to deal with guilt is to recognize the forgiveness that God gives us. We can recognize our own mistakes and know that he is faithful to forgive us.

Jesus said: “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matthew 6:12 NIV).

Notice there are two sides to this, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors”
We need to deal with the fact that other people have hurt us, which can leave us with feelings of resentment. God’s answer to that is to replace it with his peace – and that comes from forgiving others, just as God forgave us.

We never want to be get hurt, but in those moments we can choose to forgive others. We can realize if we hold onto resentment, it will eat away at our lives like an acid.

So the next time someone wrongs you, ask for God’s peace and offer forgiveness to the person who hurt you. I’m not saying it will be easy, in fact, C.S. Lewis said “Forgiveness is a beautiful word until you have something to forgive”.

It’s not always the easiest thing to do but it’s the right thing to do. The positive results will follow in all your relationships.

Is there someone you need to forgive, or is there someone you may have wronged?