What's The Problem?

Years ago I was part of an organization that put a lot of guilt on people. One time in a meeting, one of the group’s main leaders was chastising us because our churches were not growing fast enough. He said, “Your problem is you just don't love God enough.”

When I heard that, I had had enough! I stood up and said, “That's not the problem. The problem is not that we don't love God enough. The problem is that we don't understand how much he loves all of us!”

Let this sink in: Your first duty in life is not to do anything but just be loved and accepted by God. 

When you embrace that truth, life becomes less of a burden. You may be under a lot of stress right now because of the economy, but God still wants you to enjoy life.

We can enjoy life because our conscience is clear. We can enjoy life because we are secure within love. You can have fun and laugh. You can enjoy people because you don’t have to work for their acceptance. You can be yourself and allow your unique gifts and talents to come out!

So….has your life become more about rules, regulations, and rituals than about love?

Photo from darthqueso.tumblr.com

Ditching the Guilt

Sometimes I ask people, “How do you view God?” There is usually a pause, an uncomfortable look of consideration, and then an answer that seems to be very common: “Someone who is disappointed with me—even angry at me.” It’s sad, but that description makes sense when you consider how many people feel guilty because they're trying to please an angry God.

Jesus strongly criticized those who piled on the guilt.

In fact, he had strong words for those who established and enforced guilt-inducing rules and regulations. He called them some very unflattering names: Vipers. Snakes. Hypocrites. Blind guides. Whitewashed tombs. 

Yikes! Imagining Jesus using those words evokes an image very different from that of the smiling Jesus carrying a lamb on his shoulders. But that’s exactly what he called the Pharisees and teachers of the law who made it so hard for people to come to God.

Unfortunately many churches use guilt to manipulate people into giving and serving. Get the right Bible, pray one hour every morning, do your QT with the latest church resource, fast twice a week, throw away your CDs, talk to three people a week about Jesus, homeschool your children, and vote Republican. It says it in Mark 38 somewhere, right? It also says, “Thou shalt jump through hoops for Me or burn in Hell.” (Sorry, i am being sarcastic). Do it or you will feel guilty.

There’s nothing wrong with praying, fasting, sharing your faith, or homeschooling. What this comes down to is the danger of a guilt - driven church life that is only religion.  Real life isn't how much we can do, but who we get to be. If I held a gun to your head and told you to read the Bible, you can act the part but it probably won’t do anything. The tools of fear, shame, and blame will only create restrained slaves. We are freed by God  from the shackle of guilt; so too we are free from false reputations of righteousness.

God loves and accepts you unconditionally. Period. Ditch the guilt.

Do You Have That Gut Feeling?

I've discovered  if people are not on my heart, they're on my nerves.  If you don't have your kids in your heart, they get on your nerves.  If you don't have your wife in your heart, she gets on your nerves.

The reason so many relationships are crumbling is that folks are reacting to each other from their mind rather than their heart. When your wife says, "I feel depressed" listen to her; it's legitimate.  When your husband says, "I don't feel this is the right thing we ought to do." Consider what he has to say.

Heart love begins with understanding why someone feels the way they do. Ask questions and then listen. Hear the hurt, look for the problems. We need to understand the moods of the people closest to us, why they act the way they do.  If you care, you'll be aware. I’m not saying this is easy. 
Relationships can be difficult at times, I blow it all the time but I keep trying.

How do you love people who, even when you do understand them, you find them unlovable?

"God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:8 NIV) 

In Greek, (the language I struggled with so much in college), the word "affection" is the word for intestines.
In Greek society, the Greeks thought that the seat of the emotions was in your stomach, your liver, your internal organs.

So Paul was saying, "I've got a gut feeling of love for you." That is not a natural kind of love.  It is a supernatural kind of love and that's why Paul said it's not from himself, but it's the affection of Christ.  Human love wears out and dries up and dies on the vine. The only kind of love that lasts in spite of heartache and difficulty in tough circumstances is God's love.

So how do you get this kind of gut love? God's love is not something you work up.  It is something that is poured into you by the Spirit as you let Him live in you day-by-day.

Do you have a gut feeling about someone?

It's A Risky Business

Many times, the one thing that keeps us from helping others is our own fear. Fear makes us unkind. The cruelest people are the most fearful people. Just imagine the fears the Good Samaritan could have had — they were all legitimate.

“Going over to him, the Samaritan soothed his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. The next day he handed the innkeeper two silver coins, telling him, ‘Take care of this man. If his bill runs higher than this, I’ll pay you the next time I’m here.’” (Luke 10:34-35 NLT)

There is a risk involved. He could have said, “What if I go over and help this guy, and it’s a trap? He jumps up, beats me up, and takes all my possessions and leaves me by the side of the road?” or “What if he rejects my help?” (Jews and Samaritans were divided by race, religion, and politics) or “What if I get blamed for it?”

Today we might say, “What if he sues me?” or “What if I don’t know what to do?” or “What if I don’t know what to say?”

There’s one big fear I don’t like to talk about. I often don’t want to get involved in other people’s pain and brokenness because it reminds me of our my own pain and brokenness. Some of us have the pain in our lives pushed down, and we want to keep a lid on it. But keeping a lid on it will only lead to more pain. Step out of your comfort zone and take a risk today.

What are the things you fear that may be keeping you from loving other people? How did those fears start?

To love your neighbor as yourself, you must be willing to take risks. Will you take that risk today?

Don't Condemn Culture

I decided over thirty years ago I wanted to have a ministry like Jesus. Which means, I don’t spend any of my time condemning culture.  Why?  Because Jesus didn’t.  He said “I didn’t come to condemn the world; I came to save it.”

Many Christians spend a lot of their time condemning the world, saying how badly society sucks, then looking for a political solution to figure out how to get rid of the suckiness.  Neither of those work.  Spending all your time condemning society won’t change it, and looking for a political answer to solve the problem of society won’t change it either.  

God so loved the world he didn’t send a politician.  Why?  Because you can’t change people’s hearts by laws.  No law will turn a bigot into somebody who will love all the races.  Only God can get rid of racism in the heart.  Only God can get rid of selfishness in the heart.  No law is going to turn people who are selfish into unselfish people.  Jesus said, “I didn’t come to condemn the world.  I came to save it.”  So no matter what I’ve done, God wants me.  
 
Remember the story of the prodigal son, the kid who tells his father, “dad give me my half of the inheritance” and he splits and goes to sunset strip in Jerusalem and spends all his money on wine, women, and song – mostly women?  He ends up feeding pigs in a pigsty.  He finally realizes this doesn’t work so he goes home to his dad with a humble attitude, smelling of the pigsty.  The father runs out to greet his younger son.  He grabs him in a big bear hug, My son has come home!  Let’s have a party.  

He doesn’t say to his son, “Son, go and get a bath.  Get shaved.  Put on some clean clothes.  Get rid of that stinking pig smell and then I’ll give you a bear hug.”  No, he says I love you just the way you are.

God loves and accepts you just the way you are.  

What REALLY is Important?

It was 20 years ago this week that one of my best friends decided to take a little vacation he and his family planned over the 4th of July Holiday. I was invited to tag along but I decided to work, even though I could have taken the time off. There will be other times to get together, I reasoned in my mind. The “other times” never came. He drowned in the lake they were camping by. I never thought my brief conversation with him the day before would be my last. His tragic death shook me up for years to come. I decided to make a change in my life priorities.

What are your priorities? Perhaps you have even forgotten about them- not intentionally of course. Life gets busy. Bills need to get paid. We are hit with an onslaught of distractions on a daily basis. But at the end of your life, with what do you hope to feel complete?

One of the things I don’t want is to be lost in a sea of regrets: “I wish I could have” or “I should have done this” or “What was I thinking?” It is so easy to lose sight of our true priorities. We can disconnect from those things we once considered our greatest blessings. I constantly have to re-evaluate my life in order to stay on course.

Life does happen. But make sure an autopilot life doesn’t cloud your perspective on what really matters to you. Take some time to get clarity on what it is you really want. Chisel through all the “surface” answers and get to the deep inner chambers of your heart. 

What REALLY is important to you?

This may very well be one of the most important questions you can ever ask.

What Are You Committed To?

1998

Father’s Day is almost here. It got me thinking about this important question: 

What are the things that my child sees that I’m dedicated to?  

What we are committed to in life is very important. You will not be able to lead your children any farther spiritually than you are yourself. 

What do your kids see that you are committed to?

 Do they have lasting value? 

Here are a few suggestions.

• Commit yourself to knowing and loving God.

• Commit yourself to learning to love other people.

• Commit yourself to growing in character.

• Commit yourself to serving other people unselfishly.

My hope is that my son sees some evidence of the above in my life. I don’t want my son to be pressure driven, guilt driven, worry driven, resentment driven, crowd driven, peer driven, or dare I say it -- church driven?  I want him to be free to love God and other people. 

You and I are not going to be with our children forever. Parenting is a season. It isn’t going to last forever, but it’s never too late to start leading. You may be a grandparent now, but you can still be a spiritual leader to those around you. Lead by loving. Love your children and the people around you. 

How Spiritual Are You?

I talk with many people who have a desire to be more spiritual and i think that’s a great thing but how does one go about that? The most spiritual people i know are those who serve others with love.

Loving servants pay attention to needs. Servants are always on the lookout for ways to help others. When they see a need, they seize the moment to meet it, just as scripture encourages us to do.

When God puts someone in need right in front of you, he is giving you the opportunity to grow spiritually. I think a theme that runs all throughout the scriptures is loving others. Loving others includes helping others and that should not be put at the bottom of our “things to do” list. It rise to the top!

We miss many occasions for helping others because we lack sensitivity and spontaneity. Great opportunities to serve never last long. They pass quickly, sometimes never to return again. You may only get one chance to serve that person, so take advantage of the moment.

John Wesley’s motto was: “Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as you ever can.”

That is greatness. That is a large part of spirituality. You can begin by looking for small tasks that no one else wants to do. Do these little things as if they were great things, because God is watching.

“Never tell your neighbors to wait until tomorrow if you can help them now” (Proverbs 3:28 TEV).


How spiritual are you? What way to measure that might be to how much you help others.

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What Are You Focusing On?

Sometimes I get into a funk and start thinking about the failures in my life. That's never good. When you and I focus on the disappointments in our lives, it is these very things that will begin to loom even larger.  


When you pay special attention to what you lack, you will become even more aware of how much is missing in your life.  When you ruminate on what you wish would change in your life, the less you will notice all you have that is good.

Have you ever been lying in bed late at night, dark all around, and all of a sudden you hear a sound?  As you lay in bed, quiet everywhere, you hear another sound, and then another.  And the more you focus on the sounds, the more of them you hear, until you are certain something sinister is going on?

It is only later that you find out that it was just the wind rustling tree branches outside the window.
What you focus on expands in your consciousness.  This is a steadfast principle of human existence --- what we focus on increases --- and this is not only true with strange sounds in the middle of the night.

The same holds true in love.  When you focus on those things that have been a disappointment --- and for most of us, there have been plenty – after all, when we are in love, it is with a fellow human being, who no doubt has flaws --- then it is the disappointments to which our attention will be drawn.

Sometimes we forget, but it is helpful to remind ourselves (for some of us – frequently would be good) that our partner is also in love with a human being, one who no doubt has flaws.

If you spend much of your time thinking about what your partner has failed to do OR what your partner lacks OR how your partner has let you down OR how you wish your partner would change, then this is what you will notice even more --- what that person hasn’t done, hasn’t accomplished, hasn’t changed, hasn’t started, and hasn’t finished.

And when this happens, it becomes even more difficult to notice all that he or she brings to the relationship everyday that is good. Whatever you focus on will begin to loom even larger.

May I suggest you focus on that person and talk (in detail) about 5 things you love about them --- it might be the sparkle in their eyes OR the fact that they work so hard for your benefit OR their patience with the children OR their willingness to help others OR the fact that they don’t go out partying without you……

...if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8

What you and I focus on can bring value or devaluation into our relationships.