What REALLY is Important?

It was 20 years ago this week that one of my best friends decided to take a little vacation he and his family planned over the 4th of July Holiday. I was invited to tag along but I decided to work, even though I could have taken the time off. There will be other times to get together, I reasoned in my mind. The “other times” never came. He drowned in the lake they were camping by. I never thought my brief conversation with him the day before would be my last. His tragic death shook me up for years to come. I decided to make a change in my life priorities.

What are your priorities? Perhaps you have even forgotten about them- not intentionally of course. Life gets busy. Bills need to get paid. We are hit with an onslaught of distractions on a daily basis. But at the end of your life, with what do you hope to feel complete?

One of the things I don’t want is to be lost in a sea of regrets: “I wish I could have” or “I should have done this” or “What was I thinking?” It is so easy to lose sight of our true priorities. We can disconnect from those things we once considered our greatest blessings. I constantly have to re-evaluate my life in order to stay on course.

Life does happen. But make sure an autopilot life doesn’t cloud your perspective on what really matters to you. Take some time to get clarity on what it is you really want. Chisel through all the “surface” answers and get to the deep inner chambers of your heart. 

What REALLY is important to you?

This may very well be one of the most important questions you can ever ask.

I Just Wanted To Die

About four years ago I was really stressed out and felt like I wanted to just die! Yesterday I read former NFL star Junior Seau was found shot to death at his home Wednesday morning in what police said appeared to be a suicide. He was only 43.

Have you ever felt like you wanted to die? Are you thinking about suicide right now?

When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

Five things to think about.

First: You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.

Second: Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, "I will wait 24 hours before I do anything." Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn't mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it's just 24 hours. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it.

Third: People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

Fourth: Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what's going on with you. It is okay to ask for help.

Fifth: Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.

Resources For Help:
Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255
Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine  1-800-999-9999
Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line.
Call a psychotherapist.
Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen.
Send an anonymous email to this blog.

Don't give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.

I'm Stressed Out!

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