The truth is my hearing problem is because of my bad habits.
One of the most common causes of frustration and friction in relationships is that we don't really listen to each other. Too often we talk at each other rather than with each other. I’ll admit it, as a guy that talks for a living, sometimes I just need to shut up and listen. I constantly frustrate my 12 year old by interrupting him because i’m so sure I know what he’s going to say next! (Especially when I'm correcting him)!
Fortunately, listening is a skill that can be developed. The benefits of learning how to listen are enormous: fewer mistakes, better negotiating, greater wisdom, more friends, less arguments, and much more.
But why do I have this hearing problem? Three things hinder my hearing:
Presumption: when I think I already know it all. "He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame"
Impatience: when I interrupt and jump to conclusions. "There is more hope for a fool than for someone who speaks without thinking"
Pride: when I’m defensive and unteachable. You and I can learn from anyone if you know the right questions to ask, even from a 12 year old.
Here’s what I’m trying to do about this.
Listen with my eyes. Probably 80% of communication is non-verbal. Facial expressions and body language usually tell the real story. Look at people when you listen to them!
Listen with my heart. Be sympathetic. Tune in to the emotions behind the words. Sometimes I struggle with that.
Make time to listen to the people around me. In the business world, Tom Peters calls this "Managing By Walking Around," or MBWA. Imagine how your relationships could be transformed if you focused on carefully listening to those around you.
Take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19 NIV).
So what about you, do you have a hearing problem? Do you have any additional suggestions?
2 comments:
Phil, if you pierce your ears several times, they won't look so big. :)
One thing I've learned as a parent, is to listen with my heart. I tend to think women are naturally better at this than men, but I may be wrong. It seems to me that when men listen, they listen to "fix." Whereas when women listen, they listen to empathize. When one of our kids is kvetching about something, my husband usually only hears the surface words. I try to listen to the feelings behind the words. For example, he is quick to hear "disrespect" in the kids' angry words (or actions, for that matter), and immediately gets defensive, thus accelerating the kids' anger. I am more prone to hear "pain" and become empathetic, which diffuses anger. Proverbs 15:1 says A gentle answer deflects anger,
but harsh words make tempers flare.
Dear Phil,
This is a very fine post, as is "Using Your Talents" below. I'm so very pleased to meet you through your work. You're writing meaningfully about important topics in very practical, helpful ways. Thank you, peace, and all good things for you.
Sincerely,
Diane
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