What Are You Focusing On?

Sometimes I get into a funk and start thinking about the failures in my life. That's never good. When you and I focus on the disappointments in our lives, it is these very things that will begin to loom even larger.  


When you pay special attention to what you lack, you will become even more aware of how much is missing in your life.  When you ruminate on what you wish would change in your life, the less you will notice all you have that is good.

Have you ever been lying in bed late at night, dark all around, and all of a sudden you hear a sound?  As you lay in bed, quiet everywhere, you hear another sound, and then another.  And the more you focus on the sounds, the more of them you hear, until you are certain something sinister is going on?

It is only later that you find out that it was just the wind rustling tree branches outside the window.
What you focus on expands in your consciousness.  This is a steadfast principle of human existence --- what we focus on increases --- and this is not only true with strange sounds in the middle of the night.

The same holds true in love.  When you focus on those things that have been a disappointment --- and for most of us, there have been plenty – after all, when we are in love, it is with a fellow human being, who no doubt has flaws --- then it is the disappointments to which our attention will be drawn.

Sometimes we forget, but it is helpful to remind ourselves (for some of us – frequently would be good) that our partner is also in love with a human being, one who no doubt has flaws.

If you spend much of your time thinking about what your partner has failed to do OR what your partner lacks OR how your partner has let you down OR how you wish your partner would change, then this is what you will notice even more --- what that person hasn’t done, hasn’t accomplished, hasn’t changed, hasn’t started, and hasn’t finished.

And when this happens, it becomes even more difficult to notice all that he or she brings to the relationship everyday that is good. Whatever you focus on will begin to loom even larger.

May I suggest you focus on that person and talk (in detail) about 5 things you love about them --- it might be the sparkle in their eyes OR the fact that they work so hard for your benefit OR their patience with the children OR their willingness to help others OR the fact that they don’t go out partying without you……

...if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8

What you and I focus on can bring value or devaluation into our relationships.