I think a lot of our problems and stress in life revolve around unmet expectations. This shows up in our relationships, our work, and our school.
When we moved back to Tucson after pastoring in Kansas, there were a lot of expectations. Some of them were realistic, some unrealistic. Needless to say we were very disappointed. But instead of pointing fingers here is where I’m at.
Without expectations, life can be pretty boring. We have them and use them to make our lives more meaningful. But when expectations are unmet, we often react negatively. Many of us hold on to our unmet expectations and the reactions that follow. Here are three types of expectations we usually deal with:
1. "Let go of your unmet expectations." Yeah, not easy or very comforting but sometimes you just have to do it, and deal with the loss.
2. "Find alternatives to meet your unmet expectations." I mean this in a healthy way. Perhaps it’s time for a new set of friends or a new job?
3. "Address the issue in some positive manner.” Most people don’t like confrontation but there are more creative ways to talk about your disappointments, and methods that can be less abrasive. Sometimes a compromise can happen!
The negative alternative is to continue to hold on to those unmet expectations. I have found that the emotional, spiritual, and physical cost to myself and those I love is too high!
Expectations are usually person and situation specific. By discovering your deepest longings, such as the universal yearnings for love, acceptance, belonging, security or freedom, you can find a way to fulfil your yearnings in a realistic and healthy way. Then you might be able to let go of the specific unmet expectation which has been causing your reactions. For example, "I want and expect some approval and acceptance from John."
By going deeper and realizing that you want approval and acceptance, but you can get it from sources other than John. In my case, I have changed my expectations and made them more realistic for the people I know and the God I serve.
What are your thoughts on expectations, do you have any unmet?
When we moved back to Tucson after pastoring in Kansas, there were a lot of expectations. Some of them were realistic, some unrealistic. Needless to say we were very disappointed. But instead of pointing fingers here is where I’m at.
Without expectations, life can be pretty boring. We have them and use them to make our lives more meaningful. But when expectations are unmet, we often react negatively. Many of us hold on to our unmet expectations and the reactions that follow. Here are three types of expectations we usually deal with:
- expectations we have of ourselves;
- expectations we have of others; and
- expectations others have of us
1. "Let go of your unmet expectations." Yeah, not easy or very comforting but sometimes you just have to do it, and deal with the loss.
2. "Find alternatives to meet your unmet expectations." I mean this in a healthy way. Perhaps it’s time for a new set of friends or a new job?
3. "Address the issue in some positive manner.” Most people don’t like confrontation but there are more creative ways to talk about your disappointments, and methods that can be less abrasive. Sometimes a compromise can happen!
The negative alternative is to continue to hold on to those unmet expectations. I have found that the emotional, spiritual, and physical cost to myself and those I love is too high!
Expectations are usually person and situation specific. By discovering your deepest longings, such as the universal yearnings for love, acceptance, belonging, security or freedom, you can find a way to fulfil your yearnings in a realistic and healthy way. Then you might be able to let go of the specific unmet expectation which has been causing your reactions. For example, "I want and expect some approval and acceptance from John."
By going deeper and realizing that you want approval and acceptance, but you can get it from sources other than John. In my case, I have changed my expectations and made them more realistic for the people I know and the God I serve.
What are your thoughts on expectations, do you have any unmet?
No comments:
Post a Comment