Does It Matter?

As I look around I can’t help but wonder if relationships and their worth are doomed. Do relationships really matter anymore? We say they do, but I don’t believe that’s true. At least for a lot of people. We seem to be busy doing things, but do the things we do really matter?

When i was experiencing a very difficult season in my life about 4 years ago, the help and encouragement I got did not come from the organized church I was a part of but a few relationships I had maintained over the last 20 years or so. I am so grateful that I had stayed connected to those people. Real relationships are truly the fabric that binds us to one another. Without meaningful relationships, life isn’t living and if you aren’t living you’re dying.

Maintaining and enhancing the quality of our relationships is the most important thing ever. In these times of financial up evil, our relationships should be a place where we should have solace. Banks folding, the stock market on what seems to be a never-ending yo-yo and skyrocketing unemployment, relationships seem to be one of the last bastions of individual freedom and control.

I know this sounds a bit “gloomy” and “dark” but too much attention is focused on items, situations and people that really don’t matter. Our attention has been diverted. We have been “flim-flamed” into believing that possessions of “stuff” will bring us what it is that we seek. I too engage in the “buying” of stuff. We all do but in the end it’s the interpersonal relationships in our lives that bring us fulfilment.

I’d encourage you today to look at your relationships. Without having the gumption and insight to affect change within your personal relationships, you will be a “relationship drifter”. You will continue to bounce from person to person never reaching a sense of emotional satiation or comfort. You are doomed to repeat the same patterns that have driven wedges between you and those that you wanted to love but didn’t know how to connect with.

Let’s face it, when it’s all said and done, nothing will matter more than the value and depth of the relationships that you created. Do relationships really matter? They should to all of us!

What changes should you make in your life order to build healthier relationships?

I Just Wanted To Die

About four years ago I was really stressed out and felt like I wanted to just die! Yesterday I read former NFL star Junior Seau was found shot to death at his home Wednesday morning in what police said appeared to be a suicide. He was only 43.

Have you ever felt like you wanted to die? Are you thinking about suicide right now?

When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

Five things to think about.

First: You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.

Second: Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, "I will wait 24 hours before I do anything." Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn't mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it's just 24 hours. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it.

Third: People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

Fourth: Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what's going on with you. It is okay to ask for help.

Fifth: Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.

Resources For Help:
Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255
Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine  1-800-999-9999
Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line.
Call a psychotherapist.
Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen.
Send an anonymous email to this blog.

Don't give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.

I'm Stressed Out!

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