Mentoring Matters

Do you have a mentor? Have you ever mentored someone? I was fortunate to become friends with a couple of great people when I first got involved in ministry who were older and wiser than me. In Christian circles we use the word disciple instead of mentor. In the scriptures Jesus had disciples and told his followers to make disciples. But what does that mean to you and me?

I don’t see a lot of that happening in churches and when I have seen some, it seems to be almost in an unhealthy way, leaning more towards controlling and manipulation.

But ssk any successful person this question, and they will surely tell you stories about how their deep, long-standing relationships with their school coaches or mentors helped inspire, guide, and support them throughout their career. Great mentor-mentee relationships, rich in knowledge, advice, and perspective, are often formed over months and years of conversations and shared experiences.

I know many of my readers have a church background and some of you have seen negative things when it comes to “leaders” trying to speak into your lives. The truth is we need mentors and should be mentors to others. Here are some suggestions on how we can accomplish this so that our lives as well as others can improve.

Being a great mentor (and a great mentee) starts with listening.

Listening is the key component of a mentor-mentee relationship,it’s important for mentors to listen and understand ideas, approaches, strengths, and weaknesses.

Being a good mentor and a mentee isn’t about giving great answers, but asking great questions.

Good decisions come from good questions. And as a mentor, be aware of what you know and what you don’t know, and develop an awareness about your biases.

Assume responsibility for your advice and your decisions.

As a mentor, instead of pressing a person on the decisions they made, work to understand their individual situation and rationale behind their initial ideas. At the end of the day, it’s the mentee who decide what is best for their lives. Listen, challenge, use, reject, and move forward. A mentor’s advice doesn’t have to be implemented.

I’m a firm believer that mentoring, (discipleship in the church setting), happens through relationships. Trying to force something will only cause frustration on everyone’s part.

So...did anyone mentor you? Are you mentoring someone? Is there an opportunity for you to be a part of this process?

Should Church Be Relevant?

Relevant: having significant and demonstrable bearing on the matter at hand.
This weekend at Alive Church we are going to to be discussing how the church should be relevant. What do you think makes a church relevant? Should churches even try to be relevant?

When I younger churches seemed to compete with one another in an effort to be “holier than thou.” I’m glad some of that is past. But the game has now changed. It seems the competition among churches today is centered on the effort to be “trendier than thou.”

Our band is better than yours… Our screens are bigger… Our services are more seeker-friendly… Our pastor is cooler… Our ministry is edgier… Our cappuccino lattés between services are frothier…

The temptation to be relevant is great. In a desire to reach the unreached, the seduction is strong to think that newer is truer, later is greater, and bigger is better. We begin to actually believe that we must do this in order to have an impact.The race to be trendier-than-thou is self-defeating. Not only does the church who falls into this seduction become guilty of what C. S. Lewis calls “chronological snobbery,” but this is the surest path a church can take to cultural irrelevance to the very people they are trying to connect with. The passion to be up-to-date is the surest recipe for becoming out-of-date. A church whose main purpose is to be “cutting-edge” will soon become either inconsequential or a place where a “different gospel” is preached.

I am slowly learning that the best way to be “cutting edge” is to be “retro.” Teach the scriptures. Study the Bible. Love your neighbor. Care for people. Serve those less fortunate. Do this, and many will wonder what you are up to! It is the things that make us different from the world that makes our message attractive.

I am deeply committed to being counter-cultural. The only way I know to be truly “cutting-edge” is to uncondtionally love and accept people, right where they are at.  Let’s recommit ourselves to being in the world…but not of it!

What are your thoughts about churches trying to be relevant?

Are You Focused On The Dream?

Bishop Mervyn Hammond Jr.

Today's Guest blogger, Bishop Mervyn Hammond Jr. is a good friend of mine who has been serving people in the ministry all his life. I admire Mervyn for many reasons but His love for God and for people cause him to stand out among leaders. Here are some of his thoughts.

We are a few days away from celebrating the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King. In light of this, here’s my perspective. Recently I watched a historic story on television about a church that would fit in today's headlines.

The pastor was working to racially integrate his church, yet was secretly having an affair with a female parishioner. Her husband, who knew nothing about the affair, intimidated the pastor, publicly opposing his efforts of integration in the church. Her father, who knew about the affair, retaliated against the pastor by secretly killing him. Of course, the husband, a church elder, was the leading suspect. I was sitting there thinking to myself: "Man, what a messed up church".

However that thought was immediately followed by the idea that every church to some degree is messed up. And that is the danger in failing to follow the Biblical directive to keep our eyes on Christ alone. To focus our attention on anything else will cause us to see God in accordance with the level of perfection or imperfection of the wrong thing we are focused on. And then we will misjudge and demean God.

Here are two facts that we need to remember.

1. God is perfect. This fact should surprise no one. Christ is the only perfect man who ever lived. Before creation He was the perfect Word of God. In time, He was the perfect Son of God who knew no sin. In eternity, He is the perfect King of kings and Lord of lords. And God will never change! We are instructed to run our race, looking unto Jesus.

2. The church is not perfect. Again, this should surprise no one. Why? Because man is involved, and we are not perfect, so anything we are currently involved in will not be perfect. It would be absurd to expect perfection from anything that contains imperfect components. 

I remember someone telling me (true or not, I don't know) that Gandhi is quoted as saying, "I would be a follower of Christ if it wasn't for you Christians". 

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

We are setting ourselves up for disappointment to expect flawlessness from anything or anyone other than God Himself. Perfection is in our future when He comes for us because scripture declares that we shall be like Him. But for now, we cannot use the lack of faultlessness in anything man is involved in as a justifiable reason not to follow Christ.

Many are asking about the progression of Dr. King's dream, and whether it is still effectual. That is probably the wrong center of our attention. I believe that he would echo the words of the Apostle Paul who said, "Follow me as I follow Christ". It is not the dream that should be the focus, but the God behind it that deserves our attention and passion.

Bishop Mervyn Hammond Jr. currectly serves as the Deputy Chief Servant & General Overseer at Zion Ministries, Chicago, Illinois. He is also the Founding Pastor and Presiding Bishop of Faith Covenant Ministries based in St Charles, Missouri. For almost forty years, he has served in leadership in several churches ranging from twenty to over four thousand in attendance. His calling is to cross racial and denominational barriers to raise up and mentor leaders for the body of Christ.

You can connect Bishop Mervyn Hammond through the contact info on this blog. 

He would enjoy hearing your thoughts.

Who Cares?

There is a real push in our society to be successful, especially in these difficult times. I see this in the business world as well as the church realm. Unfortunately in our quest to be successful in our lives we sometimes overlook a very important principle. Caring about people.

I think the number one lesson in life, the number one reason God put us on this earth, is to learn how to love. God is love and he wants you and I  to be like him.

It's easy to love people you like, the people you find easy to get along with. So if God's going to teach you and I  real love, realize that he's going to put us around unlovely people.

"Everything you do must be done with love" (1 Corinthians 16:14 NLT). "Everything you do" - that means in the office, in the car, on a sales trip, whatever. The good news is this really is not hard. It's easy to underestimate the power of a kind word, a friendly smile, a pat on the back, a genuine compliment, a word of encouragement, and a listening ear.

I have seen so many lives changed when somebody takes time to pay attention to them. There is not a person on this planet who isn't starving for attention. But a caring person is hard to find. The Apostle Paul said this, "I have no one else like Timothy, who genuinely cares about your welfare"(Philippians 2:20 NLT). Does that sound like your workplace? Everyone looking out for his own interests? Those who really care are really aware.

People need affirmation, attention, and affection. Learn to care about the people you work with and show them God's love.

"Be humble and gentle, be patient with each other, making allowances for each other's faults because of your love" (Ephesians 4:2 LB).

Do you make the time to care?

What Do Your Kids See?

For more info go to: PhilThompsonLive.com

Influence, You've Got The Power!

What is Influence? by definition Influence is – A power affecting a person, thing, or course of events...

At some point in your life you and i must decide whether we want to impress people or influence people. You can impress people from a distance, but you must get close to influence them, and when you do that, they will be able to see your flaws. That’s okay. The most essential quality for being an influencer is not perfection but credibility. People must be able to trust you, or they won’t listen to you.

How do you build credibilty? Not by pretending to be perfect, but by being honest. Anyone who knows me knows i’m not perfect, not by a long shot! I have many issues and you have a few too, right? You can still affect people even if you have flaws by being honest. You’ve got the power of influence!

My desire is to be an influencer that helps people. I believe the key to life is connecting with your creator. Jesus said he came that we may have life and have it more abundantly. God puts incomparable value on every person. He wants us to live life to it’s fullest. Unfortunately there is a lot of mis-information about the character and nature of God. I want to help change that.

So here’s a question, who can you influence in a positive way today?

Influencing folks is not just limited to the workplace. Even as a parent, you influence your children into living the sort of life that you simply would like them to have. As a friend, you might not always agree with your friend's actions, but you ought to always be there for them to support whatever choices they make.

This weekend at Alive Church we are talking about The Power of Influence. You can visit or watch online. For more information just go to AliveChurch.com.

Just Say No To Church?

I sometimes receive emails and comments from people who have given up on the idea of church attendance. Some blame bad experiences that have left a bitter taste in their mouths, causing them to become disenchanted with the practice of going to church. Others say that conventional church activities are missing the biblical mark. If you used to attend a church and you've quit, I’d like to know why.

I must admit that I felt much the same and that was a primary reason I started getting involved in planting and serving churches years ago. I did not come from any Christian background and when i did become a Christian, (because i started reading the New Testament), stepping inside a church building made me very uncomfortable for a lot of reasons! When i started a church years ago in Kansas, I called it a church for folks that didn’t like church.

The scriptures encourage us to get together and deepen our relationships. We are to love God with all our heart, soul, strength and mind and love others as our self. It is our relationship with God that makes us a part of the Church, not our name on the membership of some man-made denominational organization. We are saved by grace and we don't 'have' to do anything to earn God's love. That doesn't mean we can be lazy and just do nothing, but we simply do what God leads out of love and not out of guilt. Live as the Church every day and have relationships with others anywhere ... at home, at a restaurant, park ... even in a building on Saturday or Sunday!

In my experience, church,(or religion), has made the not-so-important things super important and the real-important things not so important. Just one example is when we make our exterior, (how we appear on the outside), more important then our interior, (our motives and thoughts on the inside).  Our heart is most important.

Okay, time for more of the “full disclosure”. I am currently serving an interim pastor at AliveChurch.com’s Twin Peaks Campus. You’re always welcome to check us out and/or ask me any questions. 

I will leave you with this question, where is your heart today on this topic? I’d love to here from you!

Why You Don't Go To Church

Why don’t you go attend church? Many people, even professed Christians, have found many reasons not to go to church anymore. Many years ago you stayed behind while others went to the church, people would look down on you. My father, a Unitarian, told me I should find a church and attend so I would look good in the community. Times have changed. Here are some reasons I have found why people don’t go to church. See what you think about these.

Rest - People who stay away from church are quick to say that they need rest. Every day they have as working days, but Sundays are given to them as days of rest. Most people claim that Sundays are their days to sleep and have enough rest after hectic week-days' activities.

Family Re-Union - Sundays are considered by so many people as the days of family re-union. On week-days, parents and children part ways as a result of their work, school or other personal commitments, which give them no time to see eye-to-eye or have fun together. They only have Sundays as the only days they have leisure-breakfast or lunch with the members of their family.

Games/Sports - Most people see Sundays as the only days they have to exercise themselves, or go to the stadium for sports.

Social Gatherings - Some people see the church as a place of social gathering where friends and relatives go to meet and exchange greetings. Those who do not go to church claim that they do not know anybody there and so could not possibly go there. They rather go where they know people.

Hypocrites - People who go to church are regarded as hypocrites, who do not do what they preach. People avoid them because they see them as very dangerous.

The Bible Is A Mythical Book - The Christians have been constantly accused of using a storybook to confuse and brainwash others. People know the Bible as book of myths with a heavy dose of contradictions, and so would not like to study it.

Work - There are so many other people who are highly engaged at work on Sundays and other church fellowship days. This makes it very difficult for them to consider going to church.

No Invitation - I have also seen people who claim that they have not received any invitation to attend church services. Some of these people accuse the Christians of being selective in giving invitation to people.

No Extra Time - Those who work all through the day say they have no time to attend. They have their businesses to run such that no time is left for them to attend services.

There Is No Need To Attend - So many people have not seen the need to attend church services. They do not know why they should; after all, church attendance is a personal thing.

It Can't Meet Their Needs - Church attendance to some people is a waste of time. People who go to church are idle. They do not have jobs, and so they go to church to while away time.

Money-Conscious - Church people are money conscious. They ask others for money when they attend their services.

What about you, why don’t you attend church?
Is there anything I left out from this list that you could add?

1978

That's me with my 1978 CJ 7 Jeep on Mt. Lemon outside of Tucson, AZ. It occurred to me that 30 years ago this past summer I felt the calling of God on my life to be involved in leadership. That was in 1978 and yes I do feel old! I've made a lot of goof ups over the years. There are no perfect leaders. I’m not a perfect leader. But Jesus is. There’s no better teacher on leadership than Jesus. Here's why!

Jesus had no doubt about his identity. He said: I am the light of the world. I am the Son of God. I am the way. I am the truth. I am the life. I am the bread of life.

Jesus defines himself 18 times by saying, “I am…” He didn’t let other people define him. He defined himself. If you’re going to be a leader, you must know who you are.

Jesus knew exactly what God had called him to do. He was a straightforward leader who established clear-cut goals. In John 8 Jesus says, “I know where I came from and I know where I’m going.” Jesus had a clear purpose. He knew not only who he was, but what was he trying to do with his life. God has a purpose for your life and ministry. If you don’t fulfill it, you have wasted your life. You were put on earth to live for the purpose God created you for. A leader knows that purpose and pursues it with passion.

Jesus lived for an audience of One. His whole purpose was to please his heavenly Father. Jesus says this in John 5, “I only try to please the One who sent Me.” Jesus wasn’t trying to win a popularity content; he just wanted to please God.

That’s a lesson we have to learn. We’ve got to learn not to care about the opinions of others. You’ve got to focus on God’s opinion of what you’re doing. Don’t pay attention to those who cheer you or jeer you. Either one will sidetrack you.

Jesus never did ministry alone. If you don’t have a team, you’re not a leader. You’re a loner. The test of leadership is whether anyone is following you. Jesus modeled this kind of ministry. Mark 3:14 says, “He appointed twelve – designating them apostles – that they might be with him and that he might send them out to preach.” Jesus enlisted other people to serve the cause with him.

If God gives you a vision for your ministry, he’s going to bring other people with the same idea together with you. If nobody agrees on your idea, guess what? It’s probably not from God. All good leaders are team builders.

Jesus focused on what was important. He focused his life. He refused to be distracted. Luke 9:51 says, “As the time drew near for his return to heaven, he moved steadily onward toward Jerusalem with an iron will.” He headed toward Jerusalem to die on the cross for us. He did it with an iron will. He would not let anything distract him from what was important.

Your ministry has incredible potential. But that ministry potential won’t be realized until you decide what’s really important. Settle on what’s most important, and God will use your life like you could never imagine.

Jesus listened to the Father. Make listening to God a habit of your life. Jesus did. Prayer was a regular part of his life. The Bible tells us in Mark 1:35, “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.”

If Jesus needed to get alone and listen to God, don’t you think that you need to? You need quiet times to reflect, renew, and recharge. You and I need time to just get alone, be quiet, and listen to God.

Jesus took time to relax. Leadership is very draining. We all need time to just relax. Jesus encouraged his very busy disciples to take some time for relaxation. Mark 6:31 says, “Crowds of people were coming and going so that they did not even have time to eat. He [Jesus] said to them [the disciples], ‘Come away by yourselves, and we’ll go to a lonely place to get some rest.’”

Jesus realized the disciples had been busy serving, and they were tired. They needed a break. So he told them to get away and rest. Rest is so important that God put it in the Ten Commandments.

Are We Missing The Mark?

I literally would have become a pastor if they told me I'd never be paid a single penny. In fact for a little while I didn't get paid! I was sold out. But adding a few years and waist sizes has helped me recognize now what I didn't then: 18 year old kids suffer from what author Warren Bennis calls "Delusional confidence."

We didn't envision the day when we would have a mortgage payment, a car with 320,000 miles on it, and one too many smiles around the dinner table that need braces. Thank God for delusional confidence or we would have bolted to the local university mid-semester of our freshman year.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but you'd be surprised how many pulpits would be empty if someone offered ministers a job similar or better in pay than their current assignment. Why is that?

The following statistics, are gathered from such organizations as Barna, Maranatha Life and Focus on the Family.

Pastors

• Fifteen hundred pastors leave the ministry each month due to moral failure, spiritual burnout, or contention in their churches.
• Fifty percent of pastors' marriages will end in divorce.
• Eighty percent of pastors and eighty-four percent of their spouses feel unqualified and discouraged in their role as pastors.
• Fifty percent of pastors are so discouraged that they would leave the ministry if they could, but have no other way of making a living.
• Eighty percent of seminary and Bible school graduates who enter the ministry will leave the ministry within the first five years.
• Seventy percent of pastors constantly fight depression.
• Almost forty percent polled said they have had an extra-marital affair since beginning their ministry.
• Seventy percent said the only time they spend studying the Word is when they are preparing their sermons.

Pastors' Wives

• Eighty percent of pastors' spouses feel their spouse is overworked.
• Eighty percent of pastors' spouses wish their spouse would choose another profession.
• The majority of pastors' wives surveyed said that the most destructive event that has occurred in their marriage and family was the day they entered the ministry.

Some might say these leaders have failed to nurture their souls sufficiently. We usually want to blame leaders for their own burn out, but when I see the pervasiveness of this problem I wonder if there isn’t also a systemic factor. Could contemporary church ministry itself be the problem?

When I peruse ministry books, websites, magazines, and attend conferences, I’m bombarded with one overwhelming message: great ministry results are the product of great ministry leadership. If a church is growing, if lives are changing, if budgets are burgeoning—it must be because the leader is doing something right. Conversely, if the church is shrinking, if lives are struggling, if budgets are busting—it must be because the leader is inept. As a result, a pastor’s success and self-worth is inexorably linked to his/her measurable performance. Stewing in this toxic brew is it any wonder why pastors’ souls are shriveling.

Something’s wrong.

Hamartia is one of the Greek words that has been translated as sin. It is literally "a missing of the mark," as in shooting a bow and arrow at a target. Are we missing the mark with some of the goals and missions of our local churches today?

What do you think?

A Closer Look

Sometimes i get caught up with all that's going on in my life that i can fall into a rut that is not healthy. Here are 10 things i'm looking at and trying to practice for my own benefit as well as those around me.

1. Are the people closest to me lifting me higher or dragging me down?
2. How have I intentionally encouraged people around me in the past week?
3. Am I speaking transparently with at least two other close trusted friends on a weekly basis?
4. Am I submitting myself to the correction and coaching of at least one mentor?
5. Am I holding a grudge against someone?
6. Am I speaking well of other people?
7. Am I falling for the temptation of comparing, complaining, criticizing or gossiping?
8. Are my words and relationships characterized by words of faith or negativity?
9. Do people enjoy being around me or am I often “down”?
10. Have a made at least three new friends in the last year?

Anything you could add?

Who is a Leader?

Who is a Leader?

The longer I am involved in leadership, the more I realize I have a lot to learn. There are some awesome people out there who have taught on leadership. I am going blog from some stuff I have picked up from some them and see if any of it resonates with you. You might not be in any official leadership position but I will argue that leadership is influence. And you are influencing someone, even if you’re just walking your dog!

Things leaders do:

1. Leaders lead from their heart. Ministry is about people. Business is about people. Leadership is about people. The best leaders wear their hearts on their sleeves and are not afraid to show their vulnerability. They genuinely care about other people and spend their days developing the people around them.

2. Leaders speak their truth in love. There is a temptation among minister to say things to please others and to look good in front of the crowd. Even business leaders do this. Authentic leaders are different. They consistently talk truth. They would never betray themselves by using words that are not aligned with who they are. This does not give anyone a license to say things that are hurtful to people. Speaking truth is simply about being clear, being honest and being authentic.

3. Leaders are learners. The job of the leader is to go deep. Authentic leaders know themselves intimately. They nurture a strong self-relationship. They know their weaknesses and play to their strengths. And they always spend a lot of time transcending their fears. They are always learners.

4. Leaders build teams and create communities. One of the primary things that people are looking for in their church, their life and work experience is a sense of community. In the old days, we got our community from where we lived. We would have block parties and street picnics. In the new age of work, employees seek their sense of community and connection from the workplace. Authentic leaders create workplaces that foster human linkages and lasting friendships.

5. Leaders commit to excellence rather than perfection. No human being is perfect. Every single one of us is a work in progress. Authentic leaders commit themselves to excellence in everything that they do. They are constantly pushing the envelope and raising their standards. They do not seek perfection and have the wisdom to know the difference. What would your life look like if you raised your standards well beyond what anyone could ever imagine of you?

6. Leaders are dreamers. Einstein said that, "Imagination is more important than knowledge." It is from our imaginations that great things are born. Authentic leaders dare to dream impossible dreams. They see what everyone else sees and then dream up new possibilities. They spend a lot of time with their eyes closed creating blueprints and fantasies that lead to better products, better services, better workplaces and deeper value. How often do you close your eyes and dream?

7. Leaders take care of themselves. Taking care of your physical dimension is a sign of self-respect. You can't do great things at work if you don't feel good. Authentic leaders eat well, exercise and care for the temples that are their bodies. They spend time in nature, drink plenty of water and get regular massages so that, physically, they are operating at planet-class levels of performance.

8. Leaders are courageous. It takes a lot of courage to go against the crowd. It takes a lot of courage to be a visionary. It takes a lot of inner strength to do what you think is right even though it may not be easy. We live in a world where so many people walk the path of least resistance. Authentic leadership is all about taking the road less traveled and doing, not what is easy, but what is right.

9. Leaders care about character. Who you are speaks far more loudly than anything you could ever say. Strength of character is true power - and people can feel it a mile away. Authentic leaders work on their character. They walk their talk and are aligned with their core values. They are noble and good. And in doing so, people trust, respect and listen to them.

10. Leaders leave a legacy. To live in the hearts of the people around you is to never die. Success is wonderful but significance is even better. You were made to contribute and to leave a mark on the people around you. In failing to live from this frame of reference, you betray yourself. Authentic leaders are constantly building their legacies by adding deep value to everyone that they deal with and leaving the world a better place in the process.