Are You A Pleaser?

Are You A Pleaser?

“It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you” (Proverbs 29:25 GN)

When we worry about what other people think, we let them control us. We waste a lot of time and energy trying to figure out what other people want us to be. Then, we waste a lot of time and energy trying to become like that rather than just being who were are.. You're manipulated and controlled by somebody else.

Worrying about what other people think is dangerous because we’re more likely to cave in to criticism. It means we don't always do the right thing; instead, we do the thing that everybody wants us to do.

And we’re in danger of missing God's best because we're so worried about what other people what us to do that we can't stop to think about what we should be doing.

3 Facts Related To Trying To Please People

1. You cannot please everybody. Even God can't please everybody. One person prays for it to rain; another prays for it to be sunny. In the Super Bowl, both teams are praying that they will win. Who is God going to answer? God can't please everybody. You can't please everybody.

2. It's not necessary to please everybody. There is a myth that says you must be loved and approved by everybody in order to be happy. That's just not true. You don't have to please everybody in order to be happy in life.

3. Rejection will not ruin your life. It hurts, sure. It's not fun. It's uncomfortable. But rejection will not ruin your life unless you let it.

Quit trying to please everybody! Remember that nobody can make you feel inferior unless you give them permission.

Remember, nothing you ever do will make God love you less. Nothing you ever do will make God love you more. He loves you completely right now.

So...are you trying to please someone?

Do You Have That Gut Feeling?

I've discovered  if people are not on my heart, they're on my nerves.  If you don't have your kids in your heart, they get on your nerves.  If you don't have your wife in your heart, she gets on your nerves.

The reason so many relationships are crumbling is that folks are reacting to each other from their mind rather than their heart. When your wife says, "I feel depressed" listen to her; it's legitimate.  When your husband says, "I don't feel this is the right thing we ought to do." Consider what he has to say.

Heart love begins with understanding why someone feels the way they do. Ask questions and then listen. Hear the hurt, look for the problems. We need to understand the moods of the people closest to us, why they act the way they do.  If you care, you'll be aware. I’m not saying this is easy. 
Relationships can be difficult at times, I blow it all the time but I keep trying.

How do you love people who, even when you do understand them, you find them unlovable?

"God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:8 NIV) 

In Greek, (the language I struggled with so much in college), the word "affection" is the word for intestines.
In Greek society, the Greeks thought that the seat of the emotions was in your stomach, your liver, your internal organs.

So Paul was saying, "I've got a gut feeling of love for you." That is not a natural kind of love.  It is a supernatural kind of love and that's why Paul said it's not from himself, but it's the affection of Christ.  Human love wears out and dries up and dies on the vine. The only kind of love that lasts in spite of heartache and difficulty in tough circumstances is God's love.

So how do you get this kind of gut love? God's love is not something you work up.  It is something that is poured into you by the Spirit as you let Him live in you day-by-day.

Do you have a gut feeling about someone?

It's A Risky Business

Many times, the one thing that keeps us from helping others is our own fear. Fear makes us unkind. The cruelest people are the most fearful people. Just imagine the fears the Good Samaritan could have had — they were all legitimate.

“Going over to him, the Samaritan soothed his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. The next day he handed the innkeeper two silver coins, telling him, ‘Take care of this man. If his bill runs higher than this, I’ll pay you the next time I’m here.’” (Luke 10:34-35 NLT)

There is a risk involved. He could have said, “What if I go over and help this guy, and it’s a trap? He jumps up, beats me up, and takes all my possessions and leaves me by the side of the road?” or “What if he rejects my help?” (Jews and Samaritans were divided by race, religion, and politics) or “What if I get blamed for it?”

Today we might say, “What if he sues me?” or “What if I don’t know what to do?” or “What if I don’t know what to say?”

There’s one big fear I don’t like to talk about. I often don’t want to get involved in other people’s pain and brokenness because it reminds me of our my own pain and brokenness. Some of us have the pain in our lives pushed down, and we want to keep a lid on it. But keeping a lid on it will only lead to more pain. Step out of your comfort zone and take a risk today.

What are the things you fear that may be keeping you from loving other people? How did those fears start?

To love your neighbor as yourself, you must be willing to take risks. Will you take that risk today?

The Cure For Discouragement

Not so long ago I was really discouraged and it lasted over two years!  But now I know discouragement is curable.
I have found there were four reasons why I get discouragement.

1. I get fatigued -- We're human beings and we wear out. You cannot burn the candle at both ends. So if you're discouraged, it may be you don't have to change anything. You just need a vacation! Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.

2.  I get frustrated -- Have you noticed that anytime you start doing something new, the trash starts piling up?
If you don't clean it out periodically, it's going to stop your progress. You can't avoid it, so you need to learn to recognize it and dispose of it quickly so you don't lose focus on your original intention.
What is the rubble in your life? I think rubble is the trivial things that waste your time and energy and prevent you from accomplishing what God has called you to do.

3. I think I've failed --  Goals are a good thing but sometimes if you are unable to finish the task as quickly as originally planned, confidence collapses. Then you think, “why did I even try this?’’
But you know what I do now when I don't reach a goal on time? I just set a new goal. I don't give up. Everybody fails. Everybody does foolish things. So the issue is not that you failed - it's how you respond to your failure.
Do you give in to self-pity? Do you start blaming other people? Do you start complaining that it's impossible? Or, do you refocus and start moving again?

4. If I give in to fear -- Studies suggest the people most affected by fear are those who hang around negative people. If you're going to control the negative thoughts in your life, you've got to get away from negative people as much as you can.

Maybe you're discouraged because of fear. You're dealing with fears like, "I can't handle this. It's too much responsibility." Maybe it's the fear that you don't deserve it. It's the fear of criticism. Fear will destroy your life if you let it. But you can choose to resist the discouragement. Say, "God help me get my eyes off the problem - off the circumstance - and keep my eyes on you."

Are there other reasons why you get discouraged? Discouragement can be cured!

Do You Act or React?

When you spend your entire life reacting to people instead of making your own choices, it will weaken your life. “I merely did to them what they did to me.” Have you ever used that excuse?

I’ve been in ministry for a long time and I’ve had plenty of opportunities to react to people that have done me wrong. Sometimes I have not reacted well. I’m not proud of that at all. We all can do and say mean things. The crazy thing is, I got into church work to help people and yet I’ve found my family and myself wounded by those I was just trying to help.

There was a guy named Samson in the Bible. When you look at Samson's life, you see a guy pretty creative at getting even. Judges 15:3-5 says, "Samson said to them, `This time I have a right to get even with the Philistines. I will really harm them.' So he went out and caught 300 foxes and tied them tail to tail in pairs. He then fastened a torch to every pair of tails, lit the torches and let the foxes loose standing in the grain of the Philistines. He burned up the shocks and the standing grain, together with the vineyards and olive groves."  That's pretty creative! But that creativity ultimately led to his captivity and death.

What's the lesson out of Samson's life?

It’s better to control your anger and choose to act rather than react against everybody. Why spend precious energy on resentment when you can use your energy to help others? Yes, sometimes you will get hurt, but we need to see the greater results in the long run. Having a friend or two you can talk to makes a big diiference too.

Proverbs 29:11 says, "Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end."

How do you the handle hurts that come along in your life?

An Inside Job

True happiness and success is very difficult to attract if you don’t know what you want from life. I specifically used the word “attract” because happiness and success are not things that you pursue, they are things that you attract into your life by becoming a specific kind of person. A person who walks in contentment.

If you have become the person that attracts happiness, you’ll be able to be content, no matter where in the world you are because your happiness is not dependent on your current situation.
If you have become the person that attracts success, you’ll be able to be content with all your endeavours. Your success is not entirely dependent on your current business or idea.

The problem seems to be that the majority of us feel lost, confused and are without a sense of purpose. We have no direction in our lives and seem to be floating about aimlessly. Going from relationship to relationship, job to job, day to day, seeking happiness in material possessions.

If you (or someone you know) are unhappy with life, could it be because you don’t have a direction or sense of purpose in life? Every single action you take and every bit of energy you spend should be contributing towards achieving your goals in life.

The kind of goals I’m referring to don’t have to be material gain or even some sort of measurable achievement. A goal can be something as simple as living a life full of love and happiness with friends and family. A goal is something that makes your life worth living.

Happiness is not something you pursue. It’s something you attract. You attract happiness by stopping to look for it in people, or situations. By caring for others. Once you learn to be content simply by being alive, by breathing, by being you, and by being thankful for what you’ve got…that’s when happiness will start coming to you in other areas of your life too.

I’m reminded of a passage in the Bible where Paul says...

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. (Philippians 4:12) Paul had a connection with God and thus direction that led to his contentment.

There’s no denying that you can experience fantastic happiness in relationships, your passions and your successes. However, if you base your contentment on these things it will be one big roller-coaster of ups and downs. If you’re able to achieve contentment from within yourself, based purely on the fact that you’re alive, then external sources can amplify your happiness but never truly take it away.

True Happiness is an inside job.

Don't Condemn Culture

I decided over thirty years ago I wanted to have a ministry like Jesus. Which means, I don’t spend any of my time condemning culture.  Why?  Because Jesus didn’t.  He said “I didn’t come to condemn the world; I came to save it.”

Many Christians spend a lot of their time condemning the world, saying how badly society sucks, then looking for a political solution to figure out how to get rid of the suckiness.  Neither of those work.  Spending all your time condemning society won’t change it, and looking for a political answer to solve the problem of society won’t change it either.  

God so loved the world he didn’t send a politician.  Why?  Because you can’t change people’s hearts by laws.  No law will turn a bigot into somebody who will love all the races.  Only God can get rid of racism in the heart.  Only God can get rid of selfishness in the heart.  No law is going to turn people who are selfish into unselfish people.  Jesus said, “I didn’t come to condemn the world.  I came to save it.”  So no matter what I’ve done, God wants me.  
 
Remember the story of the prodigal son, the kid who tells his father, “dad give me my half of the inheritance” and he splits and goes to sunset strip in Jerusalem and spends all his money on wine, women, and song – mostly women?  He ends up feeding pigs in a pigsty.  He finally realizes this doesn’t work so he goes home to his dad with a humble attitude, smelling of the pigsty.  The father runs out to greet his younger son.  He grabs him in a big bear hug, My son has come home!  Let’s have a party.  

He doesn’t say to his son, “Son, go and get a bath.  Get shaved.  Put on some clean clothes.  Get rid of that stinking pig smell and then I’ll give you a bear hug.”  No, he says I love you just the way you are.

God loves and accepts you just the way you are.  

Are You Keeping It Real?

Imagine if I walked in the door one evening and my son said: “O, almighty procreator of our family. How wonderful thou art, who sovereignly deposits our allowance to us. Oh, the majesty of thy wonderful self! We beseech thee to come eat dinner with us.” I’d check his temperatures to see if he was sick or on something! I don’t want to hear that. I want him to say, “Hey! Dad's home. I missed you, dad!”

God wants us to be real by being authentic when we speak.

Years ago I copied the prayers of other people. I noticed they used certain words and even a special tone of voice. I imitated all the religious clichés: “Lead, guide, and direct us, O Lord.” “Bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies.” “Bless the gift and the giver.”

In New Testament times, prayers were wordy, meaningless rituals. There was no spontaneity, no genuineness. But Jesus says don’t get caught up in ritual prayer. You don’t have to use fancy language. You can’t impress God with fancy language, and you shouldn’t be trying to impress other people, either.

I love to hear new believers pray; there’s no pious pomposity. They haven’t learned the clichés yet. They just say, “Hi, God. It’s me.” That’s how you make contact with God. You just talk with your heavenly Father about what’s on your mind. Just pray your heart. Reveal yourself.

I’m not saying to be flippant in prayer, just talk with him in a genuine and heartfelt way.

“When you pray, do not use a lot of meaningless words, as the pagans do, who think that their gods will hear them because their prayers are long. Do not be like them. Your Father already knows what you need before you ask Him” (Matthew 6:7-8 TEV).

Do you find yourself being “religious” when you talk to God? Try being as real as you can when you pray, even if you’re angry at God. Be honest.

Join The Counter-Culture!

Okay, maybe not that kind of counter-culture. I have something a little different in mind.


When I think about counter-cultural stuff, I think about what Jesus was doing when he walked the earth. Jesus was not only counter-cultural—He was transcultural calling us to transform our culture rather than blending into it. How do we transform our culture? I think it begins with you and I on a personal level first.


As we struggle with our hurts, habits, and hang-ups, it is important to remember we are a work in progress. God doesn't expect you to be perfect; he knows you will make mistakes. Don’t be too hard on yourself.


Spiritual maturity is neither instantaneous nor automatic; it is a gradual, progressive development that will take the rest of your life as God helps us make healing choices. 


A simple truth to remember is that God is far more interested in building our character than he is anything else.  In other words, God is interested in who you are. For instance, he’s much more concerned about your character than your career, because you will take your character into eternity, but not your career. Our character is developed by walking in love. 


Real love is counter-cultural. 


The scripture says, “Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out…Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you” (Romans 12:2 MSG).


You and I must make personal choices that are counter-cultural. These kinds of healing choices will protect us from other forces trying to mold us into their image. Instead of choices based on selfishness we need to choose based on love. 


What decision in the near future do you need to make? 
Will you make that decision from a motive of love?

What Are You Committed To?

1998

Father’s Day is almost here. It got me thinking about this important question: 

What are the things that my child sees that I’m dedicated to?  

What we are committed to in life is very important. You will not be able to lead your children any farther spiritually than you are yourself. 

What do your kids see that you are committed to?

 Do they have lasting value? 

Here are a few suggestions.

• Commit yourself to knowing and loving God.

• Commit yourself to learning to love other people.

• Commit yourself to growing in character.

• Commit yourself to serving other people unselfishly.

My hope is that my son sees some evidence of the above in my life. I don’t want my son to be pressure driven, guilt driven, worry driven, resentment driven, crowd driven, peer driven, or dare I say it -- church driven?  I want him to be free to love God and other people. 

You and I are not going to be with our children forever. Parenting is a season. It isn’t going to last forever, but it’s never too late to start leading. You may be a grandparent now, but you can still be a spiritual leader to those around you. Lead by loving. Love your children and the people around you. 

How Spiritual Are You?

I talk with many people who have a desire to be more spiritual and i think that’s a great thing but how does one go about that? The most spiritual people i know are those who serve others with love.

Loving servants pay attention to needs. Servants are always on the lookout for ways to help others. When they see a need, they seize the moment to meet it, just as scripture encourages us to do.

When God puts someone in need right in front of you, he is giving you the opportunity to grow spiritually. I think a theme that runs all throughout the scriptures is loving others. Loving others includes helping others and that should not be put at the bottom of our “things to do” list. It rise to the top!

We miss many occasions for helping others because we lack sensitivity and spontaneity. Great opportunities to serve never last long. They pass quickly, sometimes never to return again. You may only get one chance to serve that person, so take advantage of the moment.

John Wesley’s motto was: “Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as you ever can.”

That is greatness. That is a large part of spirituality. You can begin by looking for small tasks that no one else wants to do. Do these little things as if they were great things, because God is watching.

“Never tell your neighbors to wait until tomorrow if you can help them now” (Proverbs 3:28 TEV).


How spiritual are you? What way to measure that might be to how much you help others.

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Old McDonald Had a Farm -- HAD

The picture over on the left reminds me of several good friends of mine who left Tucson, AZ and purchased a farm in the south. They were leaving the desert to become farmers, live off the land and live in Christian Community together. The change did not go very well. They didn’t have a clue what they were doing when it came to farming or living together! They wanted to have a deeper, more spiritual life but because of no understanding on how to do that they failed miserably. They HAD a farm but no longer.

Why do so many of us feel like we just have not grown spiritually very much? Are we just spiritually "thick-headed?" Are we just not "built" to be spiritual? Or have we simply not been taught what it means to be a student of Jesus?

Perhaps the church has placed so much emphasis on making converts that we have neglected to help people grow spiritually. We work hard to help people come to faith--to become a "Christian"-but can you identify any intentional efforts to help people become more like our Teacher?

Perhaps we have emphasized a wrong teaching about faith and its relationship to good deeds. Works has gotten a bad rap, while workless faith has grown more appealing-"cheap grace" as Bonhoeffer once stated.

Don’t get me wrong, i’m not against a change of venue in one’s life but it takes more than that to grow closer to God. I think it takes developing spiritual disciplines. Some of you are saying, oh, oh, I don’t like where this is going! Allow me to explain before you stop reading.

Discipline is defined as "training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior." Discipline is not part of our nature, but it is a natural component of the Christian life. In fact, almost nothing of any significance in our lives is ever accomplished without it. Spiritual disciplines can be described as those behaviors that augment our spiritual growth and enable us to grow to spiritual maturity. Stay with me on this!

My suggestion is to start with a very simple exercise. Go to a specific place where you can be alone and meditate for a period of time. You could also take a Bible or just a tablet or an iPad and record your thoughts, if you want. Relax, get away from the busyness of life for a while. I sit on my back patio in the evening with a nice cigar and pray. Whatever you decide to do, do it on a consistent basis. There are other “spiritual disciplines” of course. Feel free to add your suggestions. 


Spiritual disciplines can provide us with a rewarding life. I hope you’ll consider it.

How Open Minded Are You?

If you shut yourself off from learning something new because you have a biased view of something old, you will never be able to expand your understanding. 


This includes the way you read the Bible. But when looking at Bible scriptures, sometimes you will encounter passages that seem to contradict something else you learned or understood. What seem to be contradictions or hard places can be opportunities for you to gain a greater understanding of what the whole of the Bible is saying.

Usually, when something you read seems to contradict another passage of scripture, it is because your knowledge of the whole of the scriptures is limited, and therefore so is your view. Think of it this way: It would be difficult to write a report on the cultures of the world if all you know is what you have seen in U.S. You may have some insight into other cultures, but it would take an intense study of other cultures, preferably in foreign countries, to get the most accurate report. If you are only familiar with certain portions and concepts of the Bible, your understanding of how it all fits together will be limited. This is why you have to have an open mind when studying - you may find that there are some huge pieces missing to the puzzle as you currently know it.

Another problem with contradictions are because the original languages of the Bible are Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek. If one wishes to be a careful student of the Scriptures, some research concerning the biblical languages is important. Sometimes our English translations may not be accurate when it comes to certain words.

A treasured study tool for Bible research is the Strong's Concordance. It has a topical index, Hebrew and Greek Lexicons, and you can even search for Bible verses by the individual words in them. Find every Bible verse containing the word "compassion" or any other word, just like searching a dictionary! You might be surprised at what you find when you look at a literal translation. Young’s Literal Translation is also available online too.

So...the next time you read a Bible verse, especially a controversial one, take some extra time and do a little research. If you have an open mind, you might gain a greater understanding.


Have you ever changed your mind about something you read in the Bible ?

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The Power Of Generosity

A while back my family and I experienced some very difficult times. We were having health and financial problems that were beyond our control. We received some help, not from a church or institution, but from a few generous people who stepped in. Because of those caring people, I’m a better person today. I’m a more generous individual.

I think people whose lifestyles are marked by generosity become miraculous forces for good in the world, inviting God’s love to flow through them and into the lives of other people to change them for the better. You can become one of those people!

Here are five steps I am developing to become a more generous person:

Let gratitude lead to generosity. Make an inventory list of your blessings, taking a few minutes to write down everything you can think of for which you’re grateful (from your friends and family members to the food you eat and the air you breathe). Then study the list to realize how much you have. In gratitude, let your response be generous giving.

Decide to serve a cause that’s greater than your own life: making the world a better place. Reach out to other people -- rather than resenting the time, energy, money, and inconveniences that can be involved. I would just start with one person or maybe one family. Keep it simple.

Help other people regardless of your current circumstances. If you don’t have much money, you could give some of your time. If you possess a special talent, consider how to use it to contribute to others. There is always make a way for you and I to give.

Incorporate service into your lifestyle. Look for opportunities  to help meet needs every day. Be creative about ways to fit more service into your life, such as by transforming some of your daily activities into acts of service or using money you would have spent to buy something for yourself to buy a gift for someone else instead.

Look beyond just those you love. Don’t limit your generosity only to the people you know and love. Also be willing to reach out to strangers, people who make you uncomfortable, and those who can’t reciprocate. Challenge yourself to remember that, if you believe God has made every human being on the planet in his image , you need to reach out to all the people you encounter with his love. When you do, miracles may happen in the lives of the people you help, and in your own life, as well.

This is still a work in progress in my life but I’m seeing cool things happen.
Do you have any creative ideas on how to be a more generous person? 

Dealing With Flawed People

The truth is we get hurt by others because the world is full of flawed human beings. Those flawed people are in our marriage, our family, our work place, and yes, even our church! Shocking, isn't it?

On the flip side, we are also in that same category of flawed, imperfect people, we have and will at times hurt others too. No one is perfect, all of us screw up, all of us have gone down a wrong path, made wrong choices, and, as a result, we live with guilt. At times we’ve disappointed ourselves, and we know we’ve disappointed God.

So how do we deal with all this hurt, disappointment and guilt? The way to deal with guilt is to recognize the forgiveness that God gives us. We can recognize our own mistakes and know that he is faithful to forgive us.

Jesus said: “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matthew 6:12 NIV).

Notice there are two sides to this, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors”
We need to deal with the fact that other people have hurt us, which can leave us with feelings of resentment. God’s answer to that is to replace it with his peace – and that comes from forgiving others, just as God forgave us.

We never want to be get hurt, but in those moments we can choose to forgive others. We can realize if we hold onto resentment, it will eat away at our lives like an acid.

So the next time someone wrongs you, ask for God’s peace and offer forgiveness to the person who hurt you. I’m not saying it will be easy, in fact, C.S. Lewis said “Forgiveness is a beautiful word until you have something to forgive”.

It’s not always the easiest thing to do but it’s the right thing to do. The positive results will follow in all your relationships.

Is there someone you need to forgive, or is there someone you may have wronged?