Help, It's The Holidays!

This is the season to be jolly but not everyone feels like it this time of the year. In fact the opposite can be true. I deal with a form of SAD.
(Social Anxiety Disorder) -- See, you always knew I had issues right?

For those of us with social anxiety disorder (SAD), the social pressures and obligations can become overwhelming. The holidays may also be an extremely lonely time of year. Even if you don’t have this, the season can still be overwhelming. In order to survive the holidays, there are things that you can do to limit stress.

Get Picky about the Parties
If you receive invitations from people whose company you do not enjoy, it is OK to gracefully bow out. But, make sure that you still get out and participate in some social activities. Avoiding social contact altogether is a recipe for becoming more fearful.

Manage Your Energy and Stress
Maintain good eating habits and exercise regularly. The endorphins released during exercise can have a calming effect on anxiety. Make sure to get enough sleep and avoid stimulants, such as caffeine and nicotine. *(Hypocrite alert!  I will probably fail with this suggestion but I listed it because it really can help.)

Engage in Social Reconnaissance
Have some fun with this. Learn who will be there and what they are interested in. You don’t have to be an expert in every topic, but learning a little bit about people’s favorite discussion topics will help you carry on conversations. You might actually enjoy yourself!

Help Others
Christmas is supposed to be about others. If the holidays are a particularly lonely time for you, offer to help out at a local soup kitchen or distribute gifts to needy children. Volunteering gives you the chance to meet new people and work with them towards a common goal -- a great basis for new friendships. It also gives you something interesting to talk about if your social calendar includes parties or family gatherings.

Ask your Family for Help
Sometimes I have to remind my family about my struggles. Your family may not always know what it is that you need, and they may forget to ask during this busy time of year. Tell them how you are feeling and let them know what they can do to help.

Limit the "Liquid Courage"
I enjoy a good drink or two or…never mind, but the holidays can be a dangerous time of year for those who tend to use alcohol as a coping strategy for dealing with social anxiety. Although one glass of wine or a swig of spiked eggnog might help ease pre-party jitters, overindulging will impair your ability to interact effectively with others. Set yourself up for success by planning ahead how much (or if) you will drink, and what other methods you will use for coping with anxiety.

Take Time for Yourself
This can be a crazy time of the year, and it’s important to put your own mental health first. If family obligations tend to wear you ragged, make a plan for how much time you will spend with relatives and stick to it. Spend some time in prayer and meditation. God doesn't want you stressed out, especially over Christmas. Make sure that the time you do spend with family and good friends counts.

Contending With Contentment

After I moved out of the house, I would come back and visit my father over the Holidays. He would always ask me, “Son, are you happy?”  Deep down I think he was really asking me if I was content. 

Happiness is something that comes and goes. It is about excitement, fun, moments, actions, and material things. Contentment is something that lasts. It's about going with the flow, enjoying the satisfaction of work, and appreciating nature and life.

I was pretty content when I was young but over the years I have found myself struggling a bit.

Life can sometimes beat us down, especially if we are in a season of having to deal with hardships. We can easily get focused on the negatives.

Here are some tips to finding contentment, even if you are in the middle of a mess.

Be who you are

You can only be content if you become who you are. Don’t live other people’s life by trying to meet their expectations. People may expect you to have certain job or certain way of living but don’t be intimidated by them. Find who you are and be yourself.

Forget the past

You won’t be happy if you carry the burden of the past. Did you make mistakes? Did you have terrible experiences? Whatever they are, let them go. There’s nothing you can do about the past, so you’d better let them go and focus your energy on the present.

Take responsibility for your life

No matter how bad a situation is, you can always choose how you respond to it. People will annoy you, but it’s up to you whether or not you will resent. But, you and I shouldn’t blame someone else when something goes wrong. Take the responsibility and we have the power to choose.

Build relationships

Life’s truest happiness is found in friendships we make along the way.
Relationships are where we can get true contentment in life. The reason is simple: only through relationships can we love and be loved. Make relationships your top priority and you are on your way to true happiness.

Develop multiple passions

Passions lead you to contentment. So not only should you discover your multiple passions, you should also expand yourself to new passions. This way you will create new ways to happiness.

The key to expanding to new passions is curiosity. If you are curious, you will have an endless stream of exciting things waiting for you.

Count your blessings

Contentment will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Being happy is easy if we are grateful. Unfortunately, seeing what we don’t have is often easier than seeing what we have. Sometimes we need to experience loss before appreciating what we have. So don’t take things for granted. Look at what you have and soon you will have plenty of reasons to be content.

I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. - Philippians 4:11

Can you add something to this list? I’d love to hear from you.

Do You Act or React?

When you spend your entire life reacting to people instead of making your own choices, it will weaken your life. “I merely did to them what they did to me.” Have you ever used that excuse?

I’ve been in ministry for a long time and I’ve had plenty of opportunities to react to people that have done me wrong. Sometimes I have not reacted well. I’m not proud of that at all. We all can do and say mean things. The crazy thing is, I got into church work to help people and yet I’ve found my family and myself wounded by those I was just trying to help.

There was a guy named Samson in the Bible. When you look at Samson's life, you see a guy pretty creative at getting even. Judges 15:3-5 says, "Samson said to them, `This time I have a right to get even with the Philistines. I will really harm them.' So he went out and caught 300 foxes and tied them tail to tail in pairs. He then fastened a torch to every pair of tails, lit the torches and let the foxes loose standing in the grain of the Philistines. He burned up the shocks and the standing grain, together with the vineyards and olive groves."  That's pretty creative! But that creativity ultimately led to his captivity and death.

What's the lesson out of Samson's life?

It’s better to control your anger and choose to act rather than react against everybody. Why spend precious energy on resentment when you can use your energy to help others? Yes, sometimes you will get hurt, but we need to see the greater results in the long run. Having a friend or two you can talk to makes a big diiference too.

Proverbs 29:11 says, "Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end."

How do you the handle hurts that come along in your life?

A Change Would Do You Good.

How do I know when i’m out of God’s will? How do I know if all the things i’m doing are what God expects me to do or if i’ve just put those expectations on myself? Most of us are doing too much right now. Our schedules are too busy. We have so many irons in the fire that the fire is about to be put out. We’re smothering it.

The answer is simple: If  i’m always tired. It is not God’s will in  life to always be tired. God never intended for us to go around with that heavy a load all the time.

In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest” (TEV).

What's got you burdened? Most of us carry a yoke of burden that we’ve put on ourselves because of unresolved guilt and unrealistic expectations. We’re trying to prove that we matter.

You matter to God period! You don’t have to do anything to matter to God.

So....What do you need to change? Change may not be easy to do but it is necessary. It may require some sacrifice. You may be misunderstood. But...you will have a sense of relief when you make the change.

What's got you burdened? How should you deal with it?

An Inside Job

True happiness and success is very difficult to attract if you don’t know what you want from life. I specifically used the word “attract” because happiness and success are not things that you pursue, they are things that you attract into your life by becoming a specific kind of person. A person who walks in contentment.

If you have become the person that attracts happiness, you’ll be able to be content, no matter where in the world you are because your happiness is not dependent on your current situation.
If you have become the person that attracts success, you’ll be able to be content with all your endeavours. Your success is not entirely dependent on your current business or idea.

The problem seems to be that the majority of us feel lost, confused and are without a sense of purpose. We have no direction in our lives and seem to be floating about aimlessly. Going from relationship to relationship, job to job, day to day, seeking happiness in material possessions.

If you (or someone you know) are unhappy with life, could it be because you don’t have a direction or sense of purpose in life? Every single action you take and every bit of energy you spend should be contributing towards achieving your goals in life.

The kind of goals I’m referring to don’t have to be material gain or even some sort of measurable achievement. A goal can be something as simple as living a life full of love and happiness with friends and family. A goal is something that makes your life worth living.

Happiness is not something you pursue. It’s something you attract. You attract happiness by stopping to look for it in people, or situations. By caring for others. Once you learn to be content simply by being alive, by breathing, by being you, and by being thankful for what you’ve got…that’s when happiness will start coming to you in other areas of your life too.

I’m reminded of a passage in the Bible where Paul says...

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. (Philippians 4:12) Paul had a connection with God and thus direction that led to his contentment.

There’s no denying that you can experience fantastic happiness in relationships, your passions and your successes. However, if you base your contentment on these things it will be one big roller-coaster of ups and downs. If you’re able to achieve contentment from within yourself, based purely on the fact that you’re alive, then external sources can amplify your happiness but never truly take it away.

True Happiness is an inside job.