Death, Life, and Thanksgiving!

Death

Last weekend I attended an old friend’s memorial service. I was deeply touched as I heard from family members and friends about her life. She lived life with a passion to the end. She was true to herself and her calling. I was saddened by her death but reminded again of my mortality and the mortality of others around me. This brings me to life…

Life

There are two days in every week about which we don't have to worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension. One of these days is Yesterday.

Yesterday has gone -- with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow,

Tomorrow cannot be lived today. But worrying about tomorrow's possible adversities and burdens stops us from experiencing today. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow's sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds; but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is as yet unborn.

This leaves only one day: Today. Anyone can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities -Yesterday and Tomorrow - that we break down.

It is not the experience of Today that overloads us with stress, it is remorse and bitterness for something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Live this one full day -- Today.

Carpe Diem! Seize this Day!

Thanksgiving

The death of my friend reminds me to be thankful for her life and the lives of others in my little world. Make sure this Thanksgiving that you express your gratitude for those people who have touched your life. Before you know it, they will be gone and so will you and I. Be thankful for the opportunity you get to make a difference in this world. It’s never too late to begin living our life with a purpose and passion.

"We gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying"

- Kris Allen, Live Like We're Dying

I Just Wanted To Die

About four years ago I was really stressed out and felt like I wanted to just die! Yesterday I read former NFL star Junior Seau was found shot to death at his home Wednesday morning in what police said appeared to be a suicide. He was only 43.

Have you ever felt like you wanted to die? Are you thinking about suicide right now?

When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

Five things to think about.

First: You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.

Second: Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, "I will wait 24 hours before I do anything." Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn't mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it's just 24 hours. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it.

Third: People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

Fourth: Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what's going on with you. It is okay to ask for help.

Fifth: Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.

Resources For Help:
Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255
Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine  1-800-999-9999
Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line.
Call a psychotherapist.
Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen.
Send an anonymous email to this blog.

Don't give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.