The truth is we get hurt by others because the world is full of flawed human beings. Those flawed people are in our marriage, our family, our work place, and yes, even our church! Shocking, isn't it?
On the flip side, we are also in that same category of flawed, imperfect people, we have and will at times hurt others too. No one is perfect, all of us screw up, all of us have gone down a wrong path, made wrong choices, and, as a result, we live with guilt. At times we’ve disappointed ourselves, and we know we’ve disappointed God.
So how do we deal with all this hurt, disappointment and guilt? The way to deal with guilt is to recognize the forgiveness that God gives us. We can recognize our own mistakes and know that he is faithful to forgive us.
Jesus said: “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matthew 6:12 NIV).
Notice there are two sides to this, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors”
We need to deal with the fact that other people have hurt us, which can leave us with feelings of resentment. God’s answer to that is to replace it with his peace – and that comes from forgiving others, just as God forgave us.
We never want to be get hurt, but in those moments we can choose to forgive others. We can realize if we hold onto resentment, it will eat away at our lives like an acid.
So the next time someone wrongs you, ask for God’s peace and offer forgiveness to the person who hurt you. I’m not saying it will be easy, in fact, C.S. Lewis said “Forgiveness is a beautiful word until you have something to forgive”.
It’s not always the easiest thing to do but it’s the right thing to do. The positive results will follow in all your relationships.
Is there someone you need to forgive, or is there someone you may have wronged?
Okay, i’ll admit it, i’m guilty of this. One of the most common causes of frustration and friction in relationships is that we don't really listen to each other. Too often we talk at each other rather than with each other. :(
Fortunately, listening is a skill that can be developed.
So there is hope, even for moi. :)
The benefits of learning how to listen are enormous: fewer mistakes, better negotiating, greater wisdom, more friends, less arguments, and much more.
Three things hinder my hearing:
Presumption: when I think we already know it all.
Impatience: when I interrupt and jump to conclusions.
Pride: when I’m defensive and unteachable. You can learn from anyone if you know the right questions to ask.
Three hearing aids:
* Listen with my eyes. Probably 80% of communication is non-verbal. Facial expressions and body language usually tell the real story. Look at people when you listen to them!
* Listen with my heart. Be sympathetic. Tune in to the emotions behind the words.
* Make time to listen to the people around me. In the business world, Tom Peters calls this "Managing By Walking Around," or MBWA.
Imagine how your relationships could be transformed if you focused on carefully listening to those around you.
"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19 NIV).
Sometimes I get into a funk and start thinking about the failures in my life. That's never good. When you and I focus on the disappointments in our lives, it is these very things that will begin to loom even larger.
When you pay special attention to what you lack, you will become even more aware of how much is missing in your life. When you ruminate on what you wish would change in your life, the less you will notice all you have that is good.
Have you ever been lying in bed late at night, dark all around, and all of a sudden you hear a sound? As you lay in bed, quiet everywhere, you hear another sound, and then another. And the more you focus on the sounds, the more of them you hear, until you are certain something sinister is going on?
It is only later that you find out that it was just the wind rustling tree branches outside the window.
What you focus on expands in your consciousness. This is a steadfast principle of human existence --- what we focus on increases --- and this is not only true with strange sounds in the middle of the night.
The same holds true in love. When you focus on those things that have been a disappointment --- and for most of us, there have been plenty – after all, when we are in love, it is with a fellow human being, who no doubt has flaws --- then it is the disappointments to which our attention will be drawn.
Sometimes we forget, but it is helpful to remind ourselves (for some of us – frequently would be good) that our partner is also in love with a human being, one who no doubt has flaws.
If you spend much of your time thinking about what your partner has failed to do OR what your partner lacks OR how your partner has let you down OR how you wish your partner would change, then this is what you will notice even more --- what that person hasn’t done, hasn’t accomplished, hasn’t changed, hasn’t started, and hasn’t finished.
And when this happens, it becomes even more difficult to notice all that he or she brings to the relationship everyday that is good. Whatever you focus on will begin to loom even larger.
May I suggest you focus on that person and talk (in detail) about 5 things you love about them --- it might be the sparkle in their eyes OR the fact that they work so hard for your benefit OR their patience with the children OR their willingness to help others OR the fact that they don’t go out partying without you……
...if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8
What you and I focus on can bring value or devaluation into our relationships.
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